Howdy everyone, Severus here again. I had a bit a fun with everyone not that long ago with a wargamer stereotype article. Time for a bit more.
You didn’t think there were only those six, did you? I have seen plenty more in my many weekends down at the FLGS. Maybe you have as well.
WARNING: The following is for comedic purposes only. Do not take what I say personally. I am sure I could fit into several of these stereotypes myself. Just try to have fun guys
The Finesse Gamer – This gamer thrives on making intricate and complex tactical plans to destroy his foes. It’s important to him that he never wastes a shot, each bullet is precious and must always be applied in the correct location. The movement phase is this players bread and butter, each move is precise and design to fit into his master plan. Ultimately games end one of two ways with this guy. Watching him smugly execute his plans with extreme satisfaction, or watching the horror on his face as his lovely plans crumble. Remember it is never his plans fault, its always the dice, your army is over powered, the angle of the sun, the humidity, whatever. Never his plan. He will often grumble the phrase “That unit should have died two turns ago” when the tide starts to turn on him.
The Hold Out Gamer – This is a gamer that is characterized by his fanatical obsession with a game system that is losing popularity in his local group. With all the rumors running around anymore, he is likely a fantasy player. Instead of scaling back his hobby as people leave the game, he doubles down. Starts new armies, tries to organize events or tournaments. Eventually he is the lone hold out player of his system. He could play other systems, but he sticks to his guns and keeps asking anyone if they are up for a game. Got to give it to the guy, it takes gut to buy a whole new army when everyone else is selling theirs.
The Neck Beard – This gamer can be identified by his ridiculous amount of facial hair below the jaw line. He doesn’t even shave. His hair just magically stops growing on his face, preferring the shady regions on his neck. It looks itchy and it may or may not be hiding bits of food or models. He tends to stroke this beard, for he has nothing but love for his neck pelt. Good for him, because no one else loves it. Seriously dude, you’re the reason female gamers run screaming from our store.
The Horus Heresy Player – This guy is something else. We can all admit that our hobby is an expensive one and takes some coordination to find games. Apparently that was not hard enough for this guy. Instead he falls in love with a system that is even more expensive than 40k and has fewer players. He is an odd cross between a historical game player and a 40k player. He does all this because of his love for the horus heresy lore. Whatever you do, do not start talking about the horus heresy novels. Without a doubt, he has read all of them, twice. If you get ANYTHING wrong, he has to point it out. Even the mundane. Sorry, I thought you had some allied guard playing with your death guard. I didn’t know that was Kaleb Arin.
The Old Veteran – These guys have been in the hobby forever. You can tell by there references to things like rogue trader, 3rd edition, or “I remember when that army first came out.” These gamers are often prone to “Previous Edition Syndrome”, a condition defined by the constant phrase “My mistake, that’s a rule from 4th ed”. In their defense, they have had to re learn the rule set 5 or 6 times. Often times they have models older than their opponent’s actual age. These old models can be picked out by there classic Vitruvian Man stance.
The Soccer Announcer – This guys loves to narrate his games. Unfortunately for his opponent, other guys in the shop, and the neighbors down the street, he chooses to do this narration like a Mexican soccer announcer. Loud and full of long drawn out screams. You can remind him to turn the volume down, but inevitable the volume will creep back up. Like when some thing awesome happens. Making an armor save will suffice.
Hope you all had a laugh or two. Until next time this is Severus saying have a good one and take it easy.
About the Author: Seth Oster
