Come hear the words of one of the greatest Chaos gods out there, Lord Khorne speaks about Chaos what we are doing wrong…
HELLO EVERYONE ON THE INTERNET. YOU ARE ALL VERY ANGRY ALL OF THE TIME. I APPROVE OF THIS BECAUSE I AM KHORNE AND I AM HERE TODAY TO TELL YOU I AM PISSED OFF!
ACTUALLY, I’M ALWAYS PISSED OFF, THAT’S MY THING. BUT LATELY I’VE BEEN READING ALL YOUR 40K RUMORS AND YOUR TOURNAMENT REPORTS AND ALL THE CRAP YOU’VE BEEN DOING TO PILE UP SKULLS FOR MY SKULL THRONE, WHICH I APPRECIATE THE HELL OUT OF, BUT I GUESS BEGGARS CAN BE CHOOSERS AFTER ALL BECAUSE A BUNCH OF YOU ARE SCREWING UP ROYAL.
THIS REALLY TOOK ME OUT OF MY GIANT, BLOOD RED, ON FIRE SAFE SPACE AND TRIGGERED THE HELL OUT OF ME, AND I WAS SO MAD I HAD TO TRACK DOWN SKARBRAND AND KICK HIS ASS SIDEWAYS ACROSS HELL ALL OVER AGAIN. HIS WINGS LOOK LIKE THE SKIDMARKS IN THE BOTTOM OF MY BOXERS. WHICH ARE MADE OF FIRE.
NOW, WHAT THE HELL AM I TALKING ABOUT?
THE CYCLOPIA CABAL, YOU NUMBSKULLS!
FIRST, I NEVER GOT A THANK YOU FROM ANY OF YOU UNGRATEFUL TURDS FOR ALL MY GREAT WORK IN KHORNE DEMONKIN. YOU LITTLE SNOT NOSES WERE ALL BEGGING FOR A BAND AID FOR YOUR CRAPPY CHAOS MARINE CODEX FOR YEARS, AND I STEPPED UP TO THE PLATE AND DELIVERED, AND DID ANYONE SHOW ANY GRATITUDE?
NO. BECAUSE I DON’T CARE ABOUT GRATITUDE YOU MORONS, I CARE ABOUT SKULLS. BUT YOU SHOULD HAVE AT LEAST TRIED, SO THAT YOU KNOW, I COULD POLITELY REFUSE, AND WE COULD ALL PRETEND TO BE NICE PEOPLE WHILE WE WENT OUT MURDERING FOR SKULLS.
NATURALLY, NONE OF THE OTHER JERK GODS STEPPED UP AND HANDED OUT THEIR OWN BOOK. NURGLE DOESN’T GIVE A CRAP, WHICH IS FUNNY BECAUSE YOU’D THINK HE WOULD, SEEING AS HOW HE’S JUST A PILE OF CRAP ANYWAY, TZEENTCH SAID ‘JUST AS PLANNED’ LIKE HE ALWAYS DOES WHEN HE’S PRETENDING THAT HE’S DEEP WHEN HE ISN’T, AND SLAANESH WAS OFF LAYING AROUND IN AGE OF SIGMAR AND TRYING TO DECIDE WHETHER HE EXISTS IN THAT UNIVERSE OR NOT.
SO YOU’RE WELCOME FOR KHORNE DAEMONKIN, EVEN THOUGH YOU DIDN’T ASK AND YOU DIDN’T SAY THANK YOU!
AND AFTER MY GENEROUS GIFT OF AN ARMY LIST THAT LET YOU SPAM FLESHHOUNDS AND SUMMON FREE BLOODTHIRSTERS, THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME…
BY ALLYING ME WITH BLACK LEGION SO YOU CAN GET A CYCLOPIA CABAL?
ARE YOU ALL F*CKING KIDDING ME?
QUICK QUESTION- JUST ONE QUICK QUESTION. WHAT DO I HATE MORE THAN ANYTHING?
THAT’S RIGHT, SLAANESH. SHE MADE FUN OF ME IN HIGH SCHOOL AND SHE DATED THE QUARTERBACK OF THE VARSITY FOOTBALL TEAM AND HE USED TO SHOVE ME INTO A LOCKER. Until I told him that Slaanesh wasn’t a she, lol. BUT I NEVER STILL NEVER FORGAVE SHIM.
RIGHT, THAT’S NOT THE POINT. THE THING I HATE MOST AFTER SLAANESH IS DAMN WIZARDS. PSYKERS. WITCHES. SORCERERRRRRRRRRS. WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT TO CALL THEM.
THEY’RE NERDS AND THEY’RE DUMB AND IF YOU’RE PLAYING KDK, SO HELP ME GOD EMPEROR, IF YOUR ARMY HAS A PSYCHIC PHASE I WILL RIP OPEN A PORTAL IN REALITY LIKE THE FREAKING KOOL AID MAN AND HIT YOU OVER THE HEAD WITH YOUR OWN ARMY CASE UNTIL YOU HAVE DETACHED RETINAS AND A FRACTURED SKULL.
THE ONLY GOOD THING THAT DUMB GOD EMPEROR DUMB GUY EVER DID WAS OUTLAW WIZARDING, THAT WAS HIS ONE COOL THING, AND NOT ONLY DID YOU GUYS SCREW THAT UP WHEN YOU BETRAYED HIM, YOU WENT WHOLE HOG IN THE OTHER DIRECTION AND STARTED BUYING FORMATIONS OF 3-5 OF THE BASTARDS TO DUCT TAPE ONTO YOUR ARMIES. DADDY ISSUES MUCH?
SO THIS IS MY FIRST AND ONLY WARNING TO YOU, INTERNET. YOU’RE ON NOTICE. THE NEXT PERSON TO POST A KDK LIST WITH A CYCLOPIA CABAL IS GOING TO GET THEIR FINGERS BROKEN ONE AT A TIME BY A RENEGADE KNIGHT TITAN IN ONE OF GOATBOY’S SPAM LISTS.
SHUT UP AND BRING ME MORE SKULLS,
~KHORNE.
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About the Author: Jack Stover
