Come see a very special Christmas holiday poem with a fantastic Grim Dark Twist.
T’was the Night Before 9869986 M.41
And all through the bastion was clear, there was no abomination.
All the vehicles were safe secured in their sheds
The Guardsmen too did sleep quite content in their beds.
Marines in the barracks some manning the walls
Assured me the bastion never would fall.
When out in the courtyard arose such discord
I picked up my bolter and unsheathed my sword!
Out to the window I ran to take aim
As the Marines around me all did the same!
When what did my loyalist occular show?
But an ancient convoyance, knee deep in the snow.
It was being pulled by horned quadrupeds
And a fiery red nimbus glowed from the sled.
There its eyes glowed, red, full of scorn
Dressed all in crimson, like a servant of Khorne.
There I shouted, blessed without pause
That this must be the dreaded Santa Clause.
“Fire Boltguns! Fire Lasguns! Fire Ogryns and Ratlings!
Fire Missiles! Fire Cannons! Fire Mortars and Gatlings!”
“You men there in the tower, and you men there on the walls
Now blast away! Blast away! Blast away all!
“But all through this maelstrom the driver did flew
Past Bolt-shells, and Krak-shells, and Frag that we threw.
And then to my horror, I heard on the roof
The vile covorting of each decandent hoof.
Down the chimeny, he came with a boom
Our destruction, I feared, was to be soon.
I saw his eyes glow, his vast stomach gurgle
Bloated and fat like a daemon of Nurgle.
I ordered a charge that was to be swift
When it reached in its satchel, and pulled out a gift.
Then it tossed the vile boxes that fell at our feet!
(Our moral was strong! We did not retreat!)
But the Marines held pause, our charge was disrupted
They picked up the gifts and were quickly corrupted.
For each box contained a Chaotic present
The Marines (Damn their souls!) found them quite pleasent!
“A Bolter! A Flamer! A new Powerfist!”
The Clause gave to all, and he checked off his list.
But as for me, he failed in his goal
For I received but a small pile of coal.
But the bastion was lost, I could only instruct
The bastion computer to set self-destruct.
I saw him escape, as the base burst into light
Crying “Merry Christmas to all! And to all a good night!”
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