Species of Gamer Thought Extinct Returns

By |2017-07-07T07:30:35+00:00July 7th, 2017|Categories: jstove, satire, Warhammer 40k|

tyranids hor wal

Reports have flooded in since the release of Tyranids for 8th Edition of a previously extinct gamer returning to game stores. Should you be concerned???

Adeptus Propagandus Network is dedicated to bringing the latest news to keep you safe from death and heresy. Our top story tonight can be summed up with a word: Tyranids.

Species of gamer long thought dead returns from the grave.

Our top story tonight on Adeptus Propagandus, an ancient species of gamer long thought lost to the warp and extinct have crawled out from under the primordial rock they were hiding under and returned to the game store.

Tyranid

The local Tyranid player, long thought missing and presumed dead, is making a comeback after having been confined to breeding in captivity to sustain their population in small, sheltered game stores across the country. Wild ‘Nid players now frolic and cavort in the wilderness again as they return from a long hibernation induced by a pick-and-choose lackluster codex.

We interviewed several gamers to get their reaction:

Honestly, my girlfriend was always pretty smart and better than math at me. I was still able to kick the crap out of her anyway because all her favorite models were the crappy ones in the codex. Now I can’t even play her anymore because we have an agreement that loser does dishes and she just bought a new Trygon. I’m pretty much hosed at this point.

-Obligatory guy who’s girlfriend plays Tyranids.

Tyranids funny

What the…..? When did Spinefists become a thing again? Pistols actually do something!

-A flabbergasted Tyranid player after waking up from hibernation

I put melee weapons on a Hive Tyrant for the first time in 6 years. It’s like I’m a kid in a candy store.

-Lore happy fluffbunny ‘Nid player

THE GENESTEALERS MOVE HOW FAST?

-Tau player about to lose horribly.

pyrovorehonest

I’ve played ‘Nids for ten years and I didn’t even know what a Pyrovore looked like until last week.

-Veteran ‘Nid player.

Thanks Tom, great reporting as always. Coming up at eleven, our token female reporter Valkia finds out why women like playing Orks.

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