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Azrael’s Vicious Memes & Clickbait Support Group

By Jack Stover | August 23rd, 2017 | Categories: jstove, satire, Warhammer 40k

Supreme Grand Master Azrael combat

When the memes and clickbait about your favorite Chapter becomes too much, you can talk about your issues with Azrael and his Meme Chapter Support Group.

Is your favorite 40k Facebook page nothing but pictures of memes and clickbait titles?  Don’t worry, there’s someone for you to talk to. This is the MEME CHAPTER SUPPORT GROUP.

Azrael: I’d like to welcome everyone again to another weekly meeting of the Meme Chapter Support Group, the support group for Space Marines who are the target of vicious memes on the internet. Thanks for coming everyone. I see we have some new faces here tonight. New guy, why don’t you start us off.

chapter master gabriel santos blood raven

Gabriel Angelos: Hi, uh… So I guess I just… Alright. My name is Gabriel Angelos, Chapter Master of the Blood Ravens, and I’m sick of constantly seeing this dumb meme about Blood Ravens being heretics and thieves. I mean there’s this one dumb meme with the guy holding the coffee mug and I guess the joke is that the guy stole the coffee mug? It’s dumb and I don’t get it. The Blood Ravens don’t steal anything. We’re a proud chapter and we accept gifts of camaraderie and gratitude from our brother Astartes.

Azrael: Thanks for sharing, Gabriel. As the Chapter Master of the Dark Angels, I’m sick of all the dumb memes about the Dark Angels being traitors. We’re the oldest legion in the Imperium and we’ve got a lot of other things to offer besides that one little secret nobody is supposed to know about.

Logan: I just really want all the dumb wolfy wolf wolf stuff to go away. I’m a Space Viking, not a frickin’ Pound Puppy.

Azrael: Well you know, Logan, maybe if you guys didn’t put wolf stickers on everything or ride into battle on giant wolves, that would stop. Sometimes I think you just bring it on yourself.

Logan: Hey, when was the last time you guys really messed up some traitors? I mean like, kicked their treacherous butts back to the Eye of Terror?

great wolf logan grimnar

Azrael: Not really following you there, Logan.

Logan: Well for my legion, it was Prospero. We really showed Magnus and his kids what’s up. Those were the good old days, before wolfy wolf wolf stuff. Do you have any stories like that Azrael? I mean what was the last planet of traitors you really blew up, like really just bombed and then blew out the ashes?

Azrael: I can’t say. We Dark Angels have more restraint than that.

Logan: I think it was Caliban? Was that the name of that rock?

Azrael: Shut up, furry.

Sevatar: Guys, guys! Let it go. Take it outside and hug it out or something, you’re all weakling corpse worshipers anyway.

Azrael: Sigh, he’s right. That’s not what this group is about.

Logan: Wanna go out back and shout about it? Just let it all out?

sevatar art

Azrael: Yea, you know what, let’s just purge it out. The rest of you stay here. Logan and I are gonna go do a little emotional medication. Punch some pillows and stuff.

Sevatar: Bunch of wimps. So new guy, what’s your deal?

Gabriel Angelos: I’m sorry, we haven’t been introduced.

Sevatar: Oh yea, sorry. I am terror. I am the night. I am Darkwing Duck.

Gabriel Angelos: Oh right. Night Lords. Yea you guys are pretty much one trick ponies.

Sevatar: One trick bats, really.

Alpharius: I’m Alpharius.

Sevatar: No, you’re Spartacus. That’s how that gag works.

alpha legion (2) alpharius

Alpharius: I am Alpharius!

Sevatar: Yea alright, sure. Kids playing 40k are too young for that movie anyway.

Azrael: Alright, we’re back. Sorry about that everyone. Logan and I had to work some stuff out.

Logan: Where are our chairs?

Gabriel Angelos: They were gifts.

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About the Author: Jack Stover

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