Guilliman Orders the Hammerfall Turret in a Drive-Thru

By Wesley Floyd | July 31st, 2020 | Categories: 9th Edition 40k, satire, Warhammer 40k

Space Marine walpaperGuilliman saw that the points on all his Marines were going up and new hordes may be a bigger issue in 9th- luckily he’ got the Hammerfall turret.

Techmarines in Ultramar just received a memo from Guilliman about their next project and how many to make. Here’s what ol’ Guilly has been up to.

Guilliman Orders the Hammerfall Turret in a Drive-Thru

techmarine wal

Techmarine Arnold: Alright boys we got a big order in from HQ. Looks like this was sent directly from Guilliman himself.

Techmarine Baruch: How can you tell?

Techmarine Arnold: It’s written in crayon and has cheeto dust on the bottom.

Techmarine Baruch: Wow it is Guilliman. I’m surprised he got his hands on another crayon after the time we confiscated them all after he tried eating them. He must really think this is important.

Techmarine Arnold: He says he wants something that has his juice boxes for him on the battlefield and has a lot of pew-pews.

Techmarine Baruch: Okay so maybe like a tracked refrigerator with a Heavy Bolter?

primaris hammerfall bunker walTechmarine Arnold: Well, he also said he doesn’t want it to move. All he does is stand around and give rerolls to dudes with Lascannons anyway so let’s just make a building.

Techmarine Arnold: He also said that his soldiers are going up in cost and that anyone who’s a horde army deserves the Emperor’s fiercest wrath.

hammerfall drop turret defensive arrayTechmarine Baruch: Okay so let’s see. Heavy Bolters are cheap and heavy flamers would be a good “Emperor’s fiery wrath” theme. Let’s put both of those on the schematics.

Techmarine Baruch: As for the “dealing with hordes” thing, what if we cheat and put in some software that lets it outright ignore the basic principles of the Shooting Phase and let it target as many things as it wants!

Techmarine Arnold: Spoken like a true Ultramarine…Bold, daring, and in complete disregard for other faction’s needs. I love it.

Techmarine Arnold: Now let’s be smart about this. I love everything we’re saying here but we should probably put child locks on the door so Guilliman can’t get in unsupervised. You know what happened during the Heresy when the Alpha Legion gave him a grand tour of the galaxy.

Techmarine Baruch: Good point.

Techmarine Arnold: Sweet. Blueprint is done and ready to go. Let’s send this off to GW so they print a stupidly low amount and cause a panic in the community. Our job here is done.

What do you think about the Hammerfall Turret’s “shoot at everything” rule? Do you think we could see one in every list?

Let us know in the comments of our Facebook Hobby Group, and make sure you enter the latest monthly giveaway for FREE today!

About the Author: Wesley Floyd

Imperial fanboy, tabletop fanatic, King of sprues.
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