Techmarines in Ultramar just received a memo from Guilliman about their next project and how many to make. Here’s what ol’ Guilly has been up to.
Guilliman Orders the Hammerfall Turret in a Drive-Thru
Techmarine Arnold: Alright boys we got a big order in from HQ. Looks like this was sent directly from Guilliman himself.
Techmarine Baruch: How can you tell?
Techmarine Arnold: It’s written in crayon and has cheeto dust on the bottom.
Techmarine Baruch: Wow it is Guilliman. I’m surprised he got his hands on another crayon after the time we confiscated them all after he tried eating them. He must really think this is important.
Techmarine Arnold: He says he wants something that has his juice boxes for him on the battlefield and has a lot of pew-pews.
Techmarine Baruch: Okay so maybe like a tracked refrigerator with a Heavy Bolter?
Techmarine Arnold: He also said that his soldiers are going up in cost and that anyone who’s a horde army deserves the Emperor’s fiercest wrath.
Techmarine Baruch: As for the “dealing with hordes” thing, what if we cheat and put in some software that lets it outright ignore the basic principles of the Shooting Phase and let it target as many things as it wants!
Techmarine Arnold: Spoken like a true Ultramarine…Bold, daring, and in complete disregard for other faction’s needs. I love it.
Techmarine Arnold: Now let’s be smart about this. I love everything we’re saying here but we should probably put child locks on the door so Guilliman can’t get in unsupervised. You know what happened during the Heresy when the Alpha Legion gave him a grand tour of the galaxy.
Techmarine Baruch: Good point.
Techmarine Arnold: Sweet. Blueprint is done and ready to go. Let’s send this off to GW so they print a stupidly low amount and cause a panic in the community. Our job here is done.
What do you think about the Hammerfall Turret’s “shoot at everything” rule? Do you think we could see one in every list?