Tzeentch has read the new summoning rules in 8th Edition. So what does the Lord of Change think about the new rules for Chaos and Daemons?
Tzeentch decides to give Magnus a call about the new summoning rules in 8th Edition. He dials Magnus and settles back onto a stack of empty Pink Horrors kits.
Operator – Astrotelepathic hell-distance call from the warp. Do you accept the charges?
Magnus – Ugh, who is it? Is it Ahriman? Tell him to call back if it’s Ahriman.
Operator – It’s Tzeentch, sir.
Magnus – Ah, crap I gotta take that. Yea, I accept the charges.
Tzeentch – YEEEAAAA BUDDY! Hey Big Red, how’s the real-space vacation going?
Magnus – Pretty great, I really messed up Fenris. Got me a new fur coat made of wolf pelts. You know that old joke: “There’s no wolves on Fenris?” Well yea, not anymore. I’m like the grimdark Cruella DeVille with how I skinned all those puppies.
Tzeentch – Nice…. Hey, great. Anyway, the reason I called is that I’m kind of putting the clamps down on the whole infinite magic thing.
Magnus – Okay… Isn’t that kind of our thing though?
Tzeentch – Well, our thing was always CHANGE. But you know, somewhere along the way, they confused change with “Summoning horrors and then summoning more horrors with the more horrors because the horrors also generate psyker dice, etc.” You get the idea. Turns out there wasn’t a lot of change involved. It was up to a Nurgle level of stagnation.
Magnus – Oh yea, f— that guy.
Tzeentch – Right? I already told Kairos and he was bummed out. So, I told him to take his re-rolling invulnerable save and cry about it some more.
Magnus – Understandable.
Tzeentch – To be honest though, I couldn’t really handle it anyway. I mean my fingers are completely chopped up. I look like Freddy Krueger over here. It’s such an amazing pain in my many ends to assemble all those horrors. I think I’ve stabbed every finger on every hand with an X-acto knife at one point or another scraping mold lines off those little turds. Mind you, I have an infinite amount of fingers.
Magnus – Well you gotta do what you gotta do boss. What’s the new jam?
Tzeentch – We’re hearing good news about power armor coming back to Chaos, characters that aren’t as big as you are actually going to be able to bunker inside of units, combi-weapons and terminators being good again, and so on. Why don’t you just shelve the demons for a minute while I figure this one out and go back to using your legionnaires?
Magnus – I’ll look into that.
Tzeentch – Oh and Mags? Thanks for taking this well. I really appreciate it.
Magnus – No problem, chief. You want anything from Fenris while I’m here? You know I never expected it but they have great Chinese food.
Tzeentch – Is it cannibalism if I eat orange chicken? Bring me back some orange chicken.
Magnus – Alright, talk to you later.
*click*
Beep boop beep boop SHWOOOOOOOM *hell noises* *Wilhelm scream*
Duncan Rhodes – Games Workshop, Duncan speaking.
Magnus – Hello Duncan, this is Magnus. I’m painting up some new Thousand Sons models because summoning got nerfed. Any advice?
Duncan – Two thin coats.
Magnus – Two thin coats?
Duncan – Maybe, in your case, nine really, really, really, thin coats.
Magnus – It’s worth a try, for flavor.
Duncan – How you feeling about those summoning changes?
Magnus – Oh, you mean actually using my own legion again instead of a box of little pink plastic freaks?
Duncan – Yea, how’s that going?
Magnus – Just as planned.
