Alpharius is here giving us his pitch on his new soft drink, Hydra Dewminatus! Come see what the 7 new flavors of Alpharius’ galactic subversion are.
Hello confused and outmaneuvered citizens of the Imperium and/or Eye of Terror, it is I, Alpharius, and in honor of the announcement of my new Forge World Primarch model, which you’ve already seen because I’m actually every Alpha Legion model past, present, and future, I’m revealing my next great plan for galactic subversion.
I have set my sights on the lucrative demographic of young men who drink soft drinks, and I am determined to take over the soda pop aisle at your local grocery store. Rush out to your nearest vendor of rations and/or corpse starch to sample the new extra refreshing, extra heretical flavors of HYDRA DEWMINATUS, the only soft drink that is Alpharius.
HYDRA DEWMINATUS CLASSIC
Enjoy a refreshing, bold citrus flavor that may or may not lower your ability to reproduce later in life. As a bonus, it’s also Alpharius!
HYDRA DEWMINATUS WITH PURE CANE SUGAR
All the taste of classic Hydra Dewminatus, but with the pure Heresy of real cane sugar, no high fructose corpse starch! For the pre-heresy legionnaire that remembers armor values! It’s also Alpharius!
DIET HYDRA DEWMINATUS
Do you want all the flavor and firepower of original sugar cane Hydra Dewminatus, but in a more hip, streamlined, resin package? You’re in luck! Diet Hydra has zero calories and automatic shielding! Also, it’s Alpharius!
HYDRA DEWMINATUS CODE RED
Confused about your allegiance again, or just enjoy red food coloring or cherry flavor? You’re in luck! Code Red has all the blood for the blood god you’ll need, combined with the refreshing citrus flavor of being Alpharius.
HYDRA DEWMINATUS VOLTAGE
Want to confuse your jerk of a brother primarch by painting your armor the same color blue as his and sabotaging his legion and then trapping him into a pyrrhic victory that makes him believe you are dead? Then you’ll love the taste of Voltage, which is a blend of blue raspberry or something and also Alpharius!
Nobody knows for sure, just like your loyalty!
HYDRA DEWMINATUS BELISARIUS BLAST
When normal Heresy just isn’t enough, you need the crisp Primaris taste of BELISARIUS BLAST, the only flavor with 2 wounds exclusively available at Planet Taco Hell in the Eye of Terror.
HYDRA DEWMINATUS PITCH BLACK
Because the only thing worse than 13 failed Black Crusades is a grape flavored Mountain Dew. Seriously, go home Abaddon, nobody likes you.
-Which flavor is your favorite?
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About the Author: Jack Stover
