Ever wonder what people actually mean in all those online comments? Check out what is obviously harsh truths, but satire all the same.
Jstove is here with another look into the 40k/hobbyist universe. Have you ever heard some people say these one-liners? This is probably what they really mean deep down. Today we’re translating exactly what some hobbyists mean vs. what they say.
Honest Thoughts About Players & Their Space Marines
What you say: I wish my Chapter had access to ‘unit X’.
What I hear: I don’t really understand the character of my Chapter or how to play to its strengths, so I just want the fanciest new toy that GW released.
What you say: I wish my Chapter had access to ‘unit X’ (again).
What I hear: I should have painted my models up as a homebrew so I could just use whatever codex I want whenever I want. That would have been the pro move.
What you say: WYSIWIG isn’t that important as long as you just explain to your opponent what the model is…
What I hear: I should have magnetized that model for weapon swaps.
What you say: I play Ultramarines.
What I hear: I’m one step above Tau.
What you say: “Dark Angels are traitors” jokes aren’t funny anymore.
What I hear: Dark Angel propaganda.
What you say: I wish Grey Knights were good.
What I hear: I like elite low model count armies because I don’t actually like painting miniatures.
What you say: Well I don’t have time to paint all that- (XYZ)
What I hear: I’m bad at time management. Everyone gets the same 24 hours in a day and I’d rather spend my free time on World of Warcraft than painting my toys.
What you say: I’ve been in the hobby for 10 years and I still can’t paint faces.
What I hear: I am a lifelong space marine player and I never watch Next Level Painting videos.
What you say: I wish my Black Templars were good again.
What I hear: I want to go back to third edition rhino rush.
What you say: I thought formations in 7th ed were cool.
What I hear: I was hasty in my decision to buy all ten of those razorbacks that sit in my closet now.
What you say: Iron Hands.
What I hear: I wasn’t here the last time this happened with Gorgon Chain biker commanders but I know deep down my army will become just another codex in 6 months.
What you say: White Scars.
What I hear: Chopping wood, crackling campfires, chest hair-growing, testosterone bubbling up in the loins, the sounds of a real man.
What you say: Blood Angels.
What I hear: I want to be a close-combat army, but my decision-making process is too risk-averse for Chaos.
What you say: Centurions.
What I hear: Somebody really stomped me out good with a land raider full of grav cannons a few years ago and my ass is still sore.
What you say: Belisarius Cawl.
What I hear: Nobody gives a crap about 40k fluff anymore, least of all 40k game devs.
What you say: “*sigh* another Spikey Bits clickbait title”
What I hear: “Thank you for your patronage”.
What you say: “Why are Spikey Bits articles always about Chaos?”
What I hear: My poster boy faction that gets new content every quarter needs more coverage.
About the Author: Jack Stover
