Hey guys! Instead of writing actual content that would be fun and useful to the majority of readers I just wanted to get on here and write a bit of satire about some things swirling around the interwebs yesterday.
Remember kids this is only satire, and I don’t even believe half of it (except the part about hurricanes and earthquakes, that’s for real, real, not play, play).
Q: How do you feel about the statement that Stelek is the best player on the planet?
A: Probably true. Heck probably the universe, the way people copy his armies and talk about Stelek’s lists verbatim he’s gotta be that good. I think some corporate sponsors should pick him up and suit him in a race car driver outfit so we associate his awesomeness with their products!
Notice the big number “1” there on Tony Stewart? It’s cause hes undefeated too.
Q: Has Stelek even lost a game?
A: No I believe for the last 15 years he has gone undefeated, as a matter of fact he can not be beaten by any man. I know he has beaten both Marc Parker, and Mike Brant at the same time while playing 1000 points down. He’s that good!
Q: Why didn’t you play Stelek recently?
A: Well as I too am undefeated for the past 15 years, it makes it tough for both of us to stay undefeated if we play. I made a risky judgement call and felt packing up my booth, and starting the drive home though whatever hurricane damage there may be early was a good idea. I mean a hurricane and an earthquake in the same week? Surely a volcano was about the erupt, or riots or even an alien invasion would commence, so it seemed practical to get back home.
Q: So you quit a tournament? Surely you wont be even invited back, GASP!
A: Actually I conceded a game to an opponent, and we both handed our sheets directly to the tournament organizer who okay’ed them, and congratulated Stelek on yet another win. Gotta win ’em all!
Q: Would you consider yourself a “classy guy”
A: Not at all. In fact only one Sunday out of each month am I ever a “classy guy”. The rest of the time I am a fierce competitor, blogging to the word about my army lists and how I am the best at the Warhammers, and how to win you must copy exactly what I do.
I am also the best painter in the world, my primered/ washed unbased minis have been features in magazine and museums the world over.
Q:Should you be banned from tournaments for life.
A: Yes actually I think I should, that’s the only way to give everyone else a chance to win, peroid.
Not only that but I should be banned from every forum (especially but not limited to Dakka, and BoLS), so that the only place I have left to post anything about everything is my own blog.
Q: When you are bored and want your dose of daily gamer drama where do you go?
A: Oh hands down Blood of Kittens. Tastey has all the best stuff. I have even seen him partially naked as well. DELISH!
Q: Thank you this has been eye opening. Do you have anything else to say?
A:
That’s all I got. Hope you enjoyed it. -MBG
About the Author: Rob Baer
Rob Baer
Job Title: Managing Editor
Founded Spikey Bits in 2009
Socials: Rob Baer on Facebook and @catdaddymbg on X
About Rob Baer: Founder, Publisher, & Managing Editor of Spikey Bits, the leading tabletop gaming news website focused on the hobby side of wargaming and miniatures.
Rob also co-founded and currently hosts the Long War Podcast, which has over 350 episodes and focuses on tabletop miniatures gaming, specializing in Warhammer 40k. and spent six years writing for Bell of Lost Souls.
Every year, along with his co-hosts, he helps host the Long War 40k Doubles Tournament at Adepticon and the Long War 40k Doubles at the Las Vegas Open, each of which attracts thousands of players from around the world.
Rob has won many Warhammer 40k Tournaments over the years, including multiple first-place finishes in Warhammer 40k Grand Tournaments over the years and even winning 1st place at the 2011 Adepticon 40k Team Tournament. He was even featured for his painting in issue #304 of Games Workshop’s White Dwarf Magazine.
With over 30 years of experience in retail and distribution, Rob knows all the products and exactly which ones are the best. As a member of GAMA (Game Manufacturers Association), he advocates for gaming stores and manufacturers in these difficult times, always looking for the next big thing to feature for the miniatures hobby, helping everyone to provide the value consumers want.
While he’s played every edition of Warhammer 40k and Warhammer Fantasy (since 5th Edition) and has been hobbying on miniatures since the 1980s, Titans of all sizes will always be his favorite! It’s even rumored that his hobby vault rivals the Solemnance Galleries, containing rulebooks filled with lore from editions long past, ancient packs of black-bordered Magic Cards, and models made of both pewter and resin.
