Here’s why Lord of the Rings is really just a great historical game from GW, perhaps even their best…
Sharpen your pitchforks and grease your torches, kids, we’re going in hot, and I may have some Elven curses put on me for this article.
First off, I have to say that I like LotR but I am no expert or serious fan, so there’s that. But I am a huge nerd for Star Trek, so I will be using that for comparison just to be fair. LotR massed battle game from GW is a game not unlike Warhammer Fantasy battles, Age of Sigmar, etc. But despite the similarities, I don’t understand the allure of the Lord of the Rings game. Why? Well, I suppose this is my article so I should explain.
Lord of The Rings is GW’s Best Historical Game
First off, Lord of the Rings is basically a historical game, which is a genre I have never gotten into. Before you spit soup all over your screen, you have to think about what a historical is. If you play a WWII game, you already know the historical outcome, it seems kind of silly to me to replay a battle. It’s like reading the last chapter of a book and then starting from the beginning. Generally speaking, to be invested in something, there have to be stakes: the fear or threat of a bad outcome for you or the person(s) you are rooting for. If you already know that Katniss turns into a Spaghetti Turtle at the end and dies trying to stop Zuul with the Ghostbusters, then why read the story going up to that? Ok, on second thought, I’d totally read that. [cracks knuckles to write some steamy fanfic after this]
Stay Puft stared at Katniss as he slowly removed his sailor hat and bib, her pulse quickened with each inch of mallow exposed. The Mayor of New York looked on from afar, crushed that the marshmallow monster he adored had fallen for the Hunger Games champion. He couldn’t shake the feeling that it should be him that was enraptured in Puft’s cushioned embrace.
No. Gotta stay on topic here, there’s always time later to write that. Let’s get back to the Star Trek analogy that has a finite ending. If we started the Voyager series with footage of them returning home to Earth, the danger would be seriously diminished. Historicals don’t make sense to me because you already know the outcome, and even if you’re trying to change the outcome, there are problems. The army you’re playing was historically outnumbered, so to be accurate you’d have to make them outnumbered, and game mechanics do not emulate real life very well. So there should be no real chance of you turning the battle around unless you’re not being accurate.
The Miniatures
Honestly, the miniatures for LotR look pretty darn good and are good representations of the actors from the films. But they are a weird scale, like true 25mm, and make them unusable for any other game (save for Brutality Skirmish Wargame, wink) which is a turn-off. Also, they are crazy-mad expensive, even by GW standards. Also, also, they are metal which most people don’t enjoy working with. Plus also, also, to accurately recreate these battles, you better get real comfortable with painting 75,000 Orcs real quick. And then paint 75,000 Fellowship warriors and allies. Bleh. No thanks.
Plus also, also as well, these characters have no wargear options. You can’t even make them your own like you can with nearly every other miniature game. What if you want Sauron to fly in on a Spaghetti Turtle? Sorry, bro, that isn’t accurate. Just like my Creative Writing teacher who didn’t like my fanfics, “you can’t do that here” and “your stories make God cry”.
I Hear What You’re Saying
“But but but but Pimcron, you recently kitbashed 28mm crews of each major Star Trek series for use in Brutality.” Number one, kinda creepy you’re following me so closely, all of you. Secondly, you’re right but I have an answer for that. Voyager was the only series with a definite ending point, a destination to get to. So I could set my games anywhere on the timeline or after. TNG, DS9, and ENT (the other crews I made) didn’t have real endpoints per se. We don’t count the *mostly* bad TNG movies. Plus, nearly every crew had a holodeck to use for training, etc. So my missions I play could be holodeck exercises or something if I didn’t want them to be part of my head canon. Also plus, I don’t recreate battles that already happened, I’d make new ones.
But I do see the nostalgia factor, so there’s that. And there is more of a collector’s element to it, just like collecting action figures or anything else. I could see why you’d want to collect all your favorite characters and paint them as you see fit. I guess in the end, you do you, boo. Follow your bliss, just like I’m about to with my raunchy fanfic, Fifty Tons of Hot Mallow.
Want to catch all the Pimcron articles? Here they are in order of publication:
Pimcron’s Articles Link
Do you collect LotR? Please tell me why.
Click the picture to use any models from any genre in this fantastic RPG-lite skirmish wargame.
A pocket Narrative rulebook for your *favorite* 28mm wargame.
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About the Author: Pimcron
