Pimcron 5 Unpopular Opinions About Warhammer 40k

By Pimcron | May 14th, 2021 | Categories: 40k News & Articles, satire, Tabletop Gaming News & Rumors

Hey there, cowperson. I was just rustlin’ some steers and making the little doggies get along and I got ta thinkin’.

There’s a lot of things I think that are contrary to popular opinion. Let’s see if I can elicit any emotions from y’all.

Ultramarines Suck

Ultramarines are the worst, most boring chapter of marines … To be honest, this is just a bait subtitle. Everyone thinks that Ultramarines suck, but this is when I catch people skimming articles and commenting. Wait for a comment that says, “these aren’t unpopular opinions.” All of my subtitles will be misleading, you’ve been warned.

But for reals though, I always thought the Black Templars never got enough attention. I know they were the poster boys in 3^rd edition, but they’ve been mostly ignored in the last decade or so. They have a really neat lore backstory, and their hatred for Pyskers is a cool angle. I just kind of wish that they were more front and center. To be honest I have always felt like their color scheme has screwed them over. Straight black armor with white accents is kind of boring visually. Blue, red, or wolf-themed really get the people going in comparison.

Tyranids Need More Love

Tyranids are always ignored in every edition, and I think it’s a shame … Actually, I want to talk about how boring Khorne is. I have never cared for this Chaos God, though it seems like the most popular one of the four. I get it, he has anger issues, probably raised on TV and video games. Yawn. Tzeentch is always causing change and scheming, Slaanesh is kinky and gluttonous, and Nurgle thinks he’s helping when he gives you diseases.

Then we have Cranky Khorne in the corner. I have always found him to be a one-note character and completely boring. Even his rules are lame. Oh, extra attacks? Yawn. Do something with rage as a mechanic or something, you’re losing me over here.

9^th Edition is The Best Edition So Far

I absolutely love the new edition of 40k and will never stop singing its praises … Nope. Wrong. I loved 8^th edition with a passion, simple and effective, just like my favorite brand of laxatives. 9^th edition’s power creep and unnecessarily complex rules have kind of pushed me away and I have been playing AoS 70% of the time. I still don’t care that much for the initiative roll, but I find the game to be much more balanced and the armies more varied and fun to play than 40k armies at the moment.

I certainly don’t hate 9^th edition, but it’s an edition designed by and for hyper-competitives and that’s not me. In the meantime, I’m having a blast with AoS. (shrugs)

Dark Angels Really Are Traitors

If you look at the lore of the chapter, it becomes quite obvious that Dark Angels… Psychic powers need to be more powerful. They rely too often on the Mortal Wound mechanic for psychic powers. A solid 1/4 of them deal mortal wounds and most of them use a similar mechanic with a small tweak. Roll 6’s for each model in the unit, roll two dice with a total over their leadership, draw a straight line and any model takes a Mortal, etc, etc. Boring.

I feel like psychic powers are the perfect chance to bend rules, twist mechanics, and augment units like never before. The Eldar have quite a few spells that allow re-rolls, or -1’s to hit, etc and I think that’s fantastic. Give units extra movements, make them harder to wound, or manipulate the board. Sheesh. Instead, we get a lot of “do X deal d3 mortals” over and over. Boo. Every time they make a psychic power that simply deals damage, they are wasting a slot for a truly unique and impressive power. As it stands right now, taking all psyker armies is kind of blah. It’s almost as boring as playing Khorne. By this reasoning, I imagine an all Khorne-psyker army really is a snore-fest.

Shut up.

I know.

No More Space Marine Releases!

Space Marines get released more often than any other faction and it is a crime against humanity … So after quite some thought, I think AoS has way prettier models than 40k. It could be the fantasy aesthetic or the fact that a higher percentage of AoS models are newer than 40k models. But either way, I find them to have more character, be better sculpted, and more entertaining to paint. So sue me.