Do you have what it takes to be the next director of canon for Games Workshop and get hobbyists on board with your ideas for the Warhammer 40k universe?
Editor’s Note: Although this position sounds fun (maybe…), unfortunately, this post and this job listing are pure satire.
Games Workshop, the renowned purveyor of all things Warhammer, has declared it needs a new leader to decide what’s canon and what’s not. This groundbreaking position, nestled snugly within the corporate bosom of the Nottingham operation, promises to expand the frontiers of what we know of as tabletop gaming, and you get to retcon whatever feels right to you!
If C’tan turning into shards, Squats becoming Votann, and the 13th Black Crusade not being a failure are up your alley, boy, this may be the job for you! Do you have what it takes?
Games Workshop Hiring a Director of Canon
The job description includes some rather intriguing responsibilities. Among them, the chosen candidate will have the honor (or perhaps the burden) of overseeing the wave of new ideas being brought to the forefront of the company’s IP. They’re seeking someone brave enough to navigate the tumultuous waters of the 41st millennium’s lore, a task akin to herding psykers in the warp.
Just think about C’Tan; instead of devouring suns and shattering planets with their insatiable hunger, they’ve been shattered and rebranded as cosmic laborers, performing the whims of the Necrons. After all, what’s more terrifying than a bunch of ancient star gods reduced to glorified beasts of burden?
But that’s not all! The new Director of Canon will also be tasked with the delicate matter of transforming the long-forgotten Squats into the enigmatic Leagues of Votann. Gone are the days of squatting space miners; now, we have sleek, agile warriors with a penchant for sipping tea between skirmishes.
Because, let’s face it, nothing screams “grimdark” like a cup of Earl Grey on the battlefield. Considering we’ve seen almost no lore for the new faction, this will all be on your plate to make and decide what the future and past hold for these dwarfish vagabonds.
And if that wasn’t enough to make you choke on your amasec, Games Workshop has graciously declared that the 13th black crusade was, in fact, resounding successes. Forget what you thought you knew about Abaddon’s ineptitude and the eternal stalemate of the Imperium’s defense.
According to the new narrative, Abaddon is the mastermind behind a series of brilliantly executed campaigns, each one a triumph of Chaos over the feeble forces of the Imperium. How will you make this all true? Well, that’s all part of the job!
Imagine the audacity! The gall! The sheer willpower it takes to rewrite millennia of lore to fit a more… optimistic narrative. Plus, we heard they also have some other golden ideas for you to run with as well.
Community Reaction & a Glimmer of Hope
Naturally, the announcement has sparked a frenzy of speculation within the Warhammer community. Some have hailed it as a bold move toward inclusivity, citing the need for fresh perspectives in a universe plagued by stagnation. Others have decried it as a heresy of the highest order, accusing Games Workshop of sacrificing the sanctity of lore on the altar of profit margins.
But fear not, faithful followers of the Emperor (or whichever Chaos god you happen to worship on the side). For amidst the chaos and confusion, there lies a glimmer of hope. A beacon of light in the darkest corners of the galaxy. A lone figure, clad in the armor of righteousness and armed with a mighty pen, ready to do battle with the forces of revisionism.
How to Apply
If you wish to apply you must send us a letter or a video telling us why you want this job. We select candidates for interview based on what they tell us in their letter or video.
This is a great opportunity for you to let us know that you understand what we are looking for. Please include an up-to-date CV to support your application.
Working at GW
At Games Workshop we are looking for people who will do their best to understand the needs of the company and to put those needs first when they are at work.
Because of this we believe that what you are like, hence the attitude you show to work and the way you choose to behave is even more important than your skills or experience.
Will the new Director of Canon rise to the challenge and restore order to the galaxy? Or will they succumb to the whims of corporate overlords and consign us all to an eternity of retconned retcons? Only time will tell. But one thing’s for certain: the 41st millennium has never been more… interesting?
Will you be applying for this fictitious position of Director of Canon at Games Workshop? Do you think you could get things on the right track?
Let us know in the comments of our Facebook Hobby Group or our Discord server. Make sure you enter the latest monthly giveaway for FREE today!
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About the Author: Rob Baer
Rob Baer
Job Title: Founder, Publisher, & Managing Editor
Founded Spikey Bits in 2009
Socials: Rob Baer on Facebook and @catdaddymbg on X
Bio: Virginia restless, miniature painter & cat dad. He blames LEGOs for all this, as there was something about those little-colored blocks that started it all. Spikey Bits sprung from Rob staying motivated to hobby on his backlog of projects, while sharing his knowledge with others during the early blogging era.
LEGO maniac and scale model hobbyist in the 80s turned miniature wargamer and trading card player ever since. He’s played every edition of Warhammer 40k and Warhammer Fantasy (since 5th Edition), but Titans of all sizes will always be his favorite! It’s even rumored that his hobby vault rivals the Solemnance Galleries, containing rulebooks filled with lore from editions long past, ancient packs of black-bordered Magic Cards, and minatures made of pewter and resin.
