Come find out the secret behind Cypher’s Alpha Legion clickbait, and see if you don’t get the joke. JStove is back with another instant classic!
A grim and dark shadow stepped out of the grim and dark shadows in the vaulted, really gothic, spooky grim and dark room. As he stepped into the harsh red light of the dramatic battlefield command computer thingy that is the central piece of furniture in every grim dark war room, his cleft chin and his two ornately grim dark pistols revealed him to be none other than Cypher, the Fallen, the last Loyal, question mark, Dark Angel.
Standing around the table, their hard to paint aqua colored armor dyed purple in the light of the spooky red tactical map, were an assortment of Alphariuses. There was Alpharius on the left, Alpharius on the right, Alpharius in the middle, and standing tall over them all was Alpharia, the smoking hot babe version of Alpharius with 9″ heels from that one weird 40k fan fiction you read on 4chan that you were really ashamed of and don’t want to talk about. Together, they were all Alpharius.
“Alpha Legion,” Cypher whispered. Because he always whispered, that was his thing because he’s like a secret dude and he’s mysterious and stuff.
“Cypher, Fallen Angel.” Alpharius said.
“You mean the last loyal Angel,” Cypher whispered back.
“That’s fine we’re the last loyal legion,” Alpharius replied.
“So you see we are literally the same genre trope,” Cypher said.
“Yes, just so long as no one understands that we understand each other because no one understanding us is our thing.” Alpharius nodded.
Cypher leaned in close over the red table, it’s light doing spooky stuff as it flickered with a map of the galaxy, and lots of blinking skull icons that were dramatic and meant something, and were also red.
“Were you followed?” Cypher asked.
“Only by Ultramarines that think they are Ultramarines but are actually Alpha Legion because of a Deus Ex Machina revelation that we haven’t made up yet,” Alpharius said.
“Good.” Cypher said, “Then let us discuss our inscrutable plan for the galaxy that no one knows, not even us, except for us, because it’s a plan within a plan or something.”
“Our plan is to keep moving forward with the same plan as has always been the plan,” Alpharius said.
“Yes, I know. Or I don’t know, but I do. And it’s all going according to plan. But for the fan fiction readers on this website, let’s explain the plan again for their benefit because they do not know the plan that we don’t know that we know.” Cypher said.
“The plan is to post memes on social media that Dark Angels are a traitor legion until they stop being funny,” Alpharius explained.
“Good. But when do they stop being funny?” Cypher asked.
“When Dark Angels players stop reacting to them,” Alpharius said.
“But they never stop reacting to them, it always works,” Cypher said.
“Then it will always be funny.” Alpharius laughed, a sinister Alpharius laugh, and Alpharius laughed with him.
“But what if it isn’t?” Cypher asked.
“Then someone who didn’t get the joke will complain in the comments section about the Dark Angels traitor meme, and it will be funny again because they completely missed the point, and the cycle will start anew,” Alpharius said.
“Ah yes, that is true. There’s always that one guy that skims the article or doesn’t even click on it, and just makes dumb knee-jerk comments.” Cypher said.
“And because no one actually reads down this far, remember to subscribe to the Spikey Bits Patreon today for your free box of Adeptus Custodes miniatures,” Alpharius said.
“All is well then. I am going to dramatically fade back into the darkness and disappear now. We will convene again here next century to discuss the exact same meme.” Cypher said, and then he dramatically faded into the shadows and disappeared.
