It that time of the year again, come see some classic Christmas Carols with a Grim Dark twist, like rudoz, da red nose grot! Har, Har, Har!
Via Warsou.org
Grim Dark Up on the House Top
Up on the barracks top stompas pause.
Out climbs big ‘ol warboss clauwz.
Down frew the chimney wif lotz o’ guns.
All for the little orks to krump spess nuns.
Ha ha ha, who wouldn’t waaagh!
Ha ha ha, who wouldn’t Waaagh!
Up on the barracks top click click click.
Down free the chimney to krump a git.
Grim Dark, Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer
“ya know of ghazgull an’ grimskull an’ gorgutz an’ bludflag
Badrukk an’ Grotsnik an’ Zhagstruk an’ Buzgob
But do ya git recall
da most famouz grot of them all?Rudoz da red-nose grot
haz a very flashy nose
an’ have ya evah saw it
ya’d know how fast he goezIn a zoggin’ waaagh eve
Warboss came an’ yell’d
OHI YA GROT YOUR NOSE IZ FLASHY
MAKE MY ASSAULT BIKE GO FASTAHthen how da boyz iz laughin’
as he shout’d out in fear.
rudoz, da red nose grot
da most faslhy of da lot!
Grim Dark, Night Before Christmas
‘Twas the night before Emperormas, when all through the barracks
Not a creature was stirring, not even a Ji’atrix;
The supply crates were stacked by the landing zone with care,
In hopes that Munitorum supply drops soon would be there;
The guardsman were turning restlessly in their cots,
While dreaming of charges by foul Orks and their grots;
And Commander in her ‘kerchief, and I in my Commissar cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter’s nap,
When suddenly the wailing of a siren grew loud,
I sprang from my bed to scream, “In the Emperor’s name, what now?!”
Grabbing my bolt pistol, I ran through the halls,
And stopped at the door to see what made the machine spirit call.
When, what to my bionic eye should scream in from the void,
But a roaring half scrap tank and eight burly Orkoids,
With a roaring, hooting driver, with huge tusks in his jaws,
I knew in a moment it must be Warboss Clauz.
More rapid than Dakkajets his Looted Tank came,
And he laughed, and shouted, and called his boys by name;
“Oy, Dasha! now, Dancza! now, Prancah and Vixen!
On, Rocky! on Fuzgob! on, Crakker and Blitzen!
Now on through dem gates! Let’s rouse dem gits from dere beds!
Now get the zog up there before I krump all ye heads!”
Grim Dark, Jingle Bells
Dashing through the warp,
Astronomican’s gone away,
“Take us hard to port!”
We hear the Trader say
Now hear the hull walls shake
Filling us with fright
What the fuck decided to break
Our Gellar field tonight!?
Oh, alarm bells, Nurgle smells,
Tzeentch just laid an egg,
gorey clods fly for the Blood God,
and Slaanesh got her waaay,
Infinite Hells, the Captain fell,
our bodies now mutate,
we look so strange cause the Lord of Change
was feeling so irate!
What’s Your Favorite Grim Dark Christmas Carol?
About the Author: Rob Baer
Rob Baer
Job Title: Managing Editor
Founded Spikey Bits in 2009
Socials: Rob Baer on Facebook and @catdaddymbg on X
About Rob Baer: Founder, Publisher, & Managing Editor of Spikey Bits, the leading tabletop gaming news website focused on the hobby side of wargaming and miniatures.
Rob also co-founded and currently hosts the Long War Podcast, which has over 350 episodes and focuses on tabletop miniatures gaming, specializing in Warhammer 40k. and spent six years writing for Bell of Lost Souls.
Every year, along with his co-hosts, he helps host the Long War 40k Doubles Tournament at Adepticon and the Long War 40k Doubles at Las Vegas Open, which attracts over 350 players from around the world.
Rob has won many Warhammer 40k Tournaments over the years, including multiple first-place finishes in Warhammer 40k Grand Tournaments over the years and even winning 1st place at the Adepticon 40k Team Tournament.
With over 30 years of experience in retail and distribution, Rob knows all the products and exactly which ones are the best. As a member of GAMA (Game Manufacturers Association), he advocates for gaming stores and manufacturers in these difficult times, always looking for the next big thing to feature for the miniatures hobby, helping everyone to provide the value consumers want.
While he’s played every edition of Warhammer 40k and Warhammer Fantasy (since 5th Edition) and has been hobbying on miniatures since the 1980s, Titans of all sizes will always be his favorite! It’s even rumored that his hobby vault rivals the Solemnance Galleries, containing rulebooks filled with lore from editions long past, ancient packs of black-bordered Magic Cards, and models made of both pewter and resin.
