Greater Good Tau Propaganda, You Read Now!

By Jack Stover | May 27th, 2013 | Categories: jstove, satire, Tau, Warhammer 40k

Hello ten toed gue’vesa of humans imperiums of man. I like you. You like me?

My name is Comrade Jstove of glorious water caste from T’au sept office of propaganda, and I am writing articles on Spikey Bits for you convince to hop onto Greater Good bandwagon and playing Tau army, and buying many boxes of Tau kit for army from comrade KmBG for great success in games of warhamster 40,000.

Many players of warhams 40k do not know that there is better army than decadent imperial space marines. Space marine man is roughly 75% of playerbase, but is all same heathen capitalist who am hate fairness and fun.

Capitalist propaganda say that each space marine codex is different, but truth is that all are just mildly different book full of lies and all marines is play same. There is spike marines with flamer lizard and robot dinosaurs. There is Blood man Angels with red armors and many Mat Ward rule. There is Space Wolves who is viking man who forget how shave, there is black templar man who GW have forgotten, and there is blue marine man from Mat Wards who whine and complain until he have all unique unit from every other marine man codex. Sometime also there is green angel man, but he is only there for white terminator or black motorcycle. Finally, there is Silver Knight man, who is biggest decadent bandwagon capitalist marine man of all, who has most Mat Ward fluffs and rendings gun which fire tears of babies.

Sadly, all marines players, and also gue’vesa players of Imperialist Guard and all neglected xeno player who am not have new codex yet is all misguided and wrong.

But is OK, YES? Today I will tell you great many truths about brave comrade fire warrior, and why you should leave boring capitalist wage slave life behind, and contribute to greatest codex of 6 editions, mighty Tau Empire, which is beautiful communist utopia of noseless blue camel hoof man and camel hoof woman.

I will give many reason why is you should abandon defunct imperial army and playing greater good tau army instead for winning many game of warhamsandwich 40oz and having great success and sexual virility.

First reason for playing Tau army is women. Human woman is disgusting model who has ten toe and milky bag of flesh on chests. There is no model of imperialist woman that is not look unattractive or good for wifing and bearing many children.

Tau army is full of many beautiful blue woman who are sensitive and fertile. Tau woman does not wear crazy fetish armor or black cat suit. Best thing of tau woman is that she look just like Tau man in fluff canon, so there is no confuse! All handsome fire warrior comrades are equally attractive and sensuous. Maybe you take off armor and find out if fire warrior can be your new wife, yes?

Ha Ha! I kid. Surely you are not wanting play tau because blueberry hoof woman is most loving and devoted wife. NO. That is not reason- You are want crush foes of Greater Good and have many successful Warhammering games.

For this, Tau is best armies! I will tell you many units which are best in game of warhamsters. You go and buy great Communist Manifesto Tau Codex for 50 dollars american from friendly local Gulag Workshops and see for yourself why tau army is best and how you can join greater good and bury imperialist pig men.

Because I am generous water caste diplomats, I will tell you many of my favorite picks from great codex Tau Empire. You will build many army list and win tournament with my help, and punch Goatboy and Reece in face and make cry like girl.

Wise and courageous Fire Warrior Commander
Brave fire warrior commander is leader of tau army. He is customized with many gun and wears robot suit which protect him from imperial dog bolter gun. Imperial technology is weak and cannot harm heroic comrade commander. If opponent tells you that plasma gun or melta gun is AP enough to take away commader armor save, laugh and shove shield drone down his throat. Brave comrade robot shield drone is always willing to sacrifice for heroic tau commander.

Virile and handsome crisis suit robot man team
Many time comrade commander is friend with other robot mans in jetpack suit who has many gun, but sometime, these robot man also deploy as own squad in elite slot. Brave hero veterans of fire warrior caste, crisis suit man has many gun for destroying imperial dog. He can pick many weapon like flamer and missile pod, or super gun of mighty tau technology much better than human gun, like plasma rifle that is never heating over or fusion gun that is more length and girth than weak imperial melta gun. Crisis suit man is very popular with ladies, yes?

Stalwart Comrade Fire Warriors
Brave fire warrior is backbone of soviet tau military and is best troops choice in game. If decadent imperialist space marine player tell you otherwise, he is wrong and liar. Many space marine am thinking that power armor will save from righteous fury of kalashnikov pulse rifle, but many dice and 15″ rapid fire will cause space marine to fail armor save and die. Soon misguided and decadent space marine will find that it is always cold in Siberia.

Giant robot ripping tides gundam
Ripstide is my most favorite tau army unit of all time, because he is new kit in new codex, so even veteran tau comrade who already own many model must still buy more product! Ha Ha! GW is very clever merchant, yes? Comrade Gundam is also good because he is having massive cannon for pie plate of kill many marine. Use much markering light to help Comrade Gundam remove many cover save, and marine player will cry salty tear of defeat and allow you date his girlfriend.

Ha! I am making joke. Everyone know marine player am not have girlfriend. All girl in hobby are playing tyranid or ork. Any woman can tell that playing marine make man unattractive and poor provider for children, she will not allow entry to her thighs.

I hope I have helped you today because you are my friend, yes? Soon you join greater good and buy many tau model for crushing boring imperial man army with superior comrade camel hoof blue man. Tau players are win many games of Colonel Warhamsanders and female will find you very attractive and powerful. You will bandwagon many tau codex and buy new flyer kit, yes? Because BoLS forum is telling you flyer is many complaints and very strong and Tau flyer is of course best flyer in game because is pilot by brave air caste patriot who drop many bomb on heads of imperialist guardsman.

Wait, what? How you know tau flyer is mediocre?

About the Author: Jack Stover

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