Come see the dirty secrets behind how shipping really works in the Grim dark future in today’s Friday Funnies.
MEANWHILE, AT THE DEPARTAMENTO MUNITORUM
“Great news sir! We’ve just found the STC file for steel shipping containers!” The tech magos said.
“Shipping Containers? Haven’t we had those since the 20th century?” The Fabricator General asked.
“No sir, they were all destroyed during the Horus Heresy. Turns out literally all of them in the galaxy were on Calth for that bitchin’ Forgeworld diorama table.” The magos explained.
“If that’s the case, then how have we been shipping anything for the last 10,000 years?” The Fabricator General asked.
“We just changed the aesthetic of the box art every few years and hoped nobody noticed it was all cardboard. You know, last year all the 40k models were in those black boxes, now we’re doing a thing with white boxes like Age of Sigmar… It’s really quite clever.”
“That doesn’t make sense. Or answer the question.” The Fabricator General said.
“Well, that’s not important now. What’s important is that for 50 bucks, you can get 3 of them, and get this- They’ve got storm bolters on them! How cool is that? We bolted some storm bolters on them for the troops to use!” The magos said.
“Aren’t the shipping containers made out of low grade sheet metal?” The fabricator general asked.
“Yes.”
“And aren’t storm bolters centuries-old antiques, each one hand made in the holy manufactorum-temples of Mars or the armories of the Adeptus Astartes, polished by tiny creepy cyber-cherubs, and oiled by servo skulls made from the bones of dead masseuses from those gooey massage porn videos?”
“Yes sir, those are the ones. Pretty great, right?”
“So you’re telling me that you duct taped 2 priceless antiques to an $17 rusty pot metal box, and now these boxes are going across the galaxy, shipping things like grox steaks and Commissar Yarrick Tshirts, and meanwhile the Imperial Guard is equipped with lasguns?” The Fabricator General asked.
“Yes sir. The machine spirits of the shipping crates demanded protection.”
“They don’t have machine spirits! They don’t even have electronic locks! They’re giant shoeboxes made from the same scrap metal as the Volksraiders from the Tijuana Forgeworld!”
“Well the entire galaxy is at war sir, you never know when a shipping crate will be randomly dropped in the middle of a field conveniently in front of an army of space marines. Then, having those storm bolters will be really convenient.”
“Have you completely malfunctioned?” The Fabricator General asked.
“No sir, I just did what the Munitorum officials asked. They wanted the storm bolters.”
“Why?” The fabricator general asked.
“To make it as bureaucratically and logistically prohibitive as possible, sir. Goes with the grim dark theme.”
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About the Author: Jack Stover
