Today JStove is giving a look into what Khorne thinks about Age of Sigmar. Needless to say he’s not too happy and has a couple things to say about it!
HEY IDIOTS ON THE INTERNET, YOU’RE IDIOTS. I KNOW BECAUSE IF YOU ARE ON THE INTERNET IT MEANS YOU ARE SITTING AROUND BEING AN IDIOT AND NOT PUTTING SKULLS ON MY SKULL THRONE.
IT’S KHORNE, BY THE WAY, AND I’M HERE AGAIN TO TELL YOU WHY I’M MAD.
BECAUSE MY THERAPIST SAID VENTING MY RAGE WAS HEALTHY. I VENTED THE SHIT OUT OF IT ON HIS SKULL, THAT HELPED. NOW I HAVE TO FALL BACK ON YELLING AT YOU INGRATES AGAIN BECAUSE MURDERING MY THERAPIST WAS ADMITTEDLY PRETTY SHORT-SIGHTED.
ANYWAY, WORD ON THE STREET IS THAT I’M GETTING A NEW BATTLE TOME FOR AGE OF SIGMAR.
I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE HELL THAT IS. I HEARD IT’S A GAME THAT PEOPLE PLAY OR SOMETHING, BUT IT DOESN’T HAVE KHARN IN IT. HOW THE HELL IS ANYONE SUPPOSED TO ENJOY A GAME THAT DOESN’T HAVE KHARN? HE’S LIKE THE ONLY ONE OF MY MINIONS THAT EVER DOES ANYTHING RIGHT. YOU LAZY BASTARDS COULD ALL TAKE A PAGE OUT OF HIS BOOK.
SPEAKING OF BOOKS, THEY’RE DUMB. YOU WERE ELECTED TO BLEED, NOT TO READ.
LET ME TELL YOU JERKS RIGHT NOW, I DON’T NEED A NEW BOOK. I’M ALREADY TIRED OF THAT CRAP IN 40K. I GAVE YOU GUYS KHORNE DEMONKIN, AND IT WAS FUCKIN GREAT AND I TOTALLY LET YOU POOP OUT FREE BLOODTHIRSTERS AND GAVE YOU FLESHHOUND FORMATIONS AND SHIT, AND IT WAS PRETTY MUCH THE BEST BOOK EVER… AND THEN YOU MORONS WENT AND ALLIED IT TO A CYCLOPIA CABAL AND LET A BUNCH OF DUMB WITCHES INTO THE ARMY. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?
YOU’RE ALL ON NOTICE FOR THIS BOOK STUFF. ANYONE WHO ACTUALLY BUYS NEW BOOKS FOR ME IS IN DEEP NURGLE CRAP. I DON’T LIKE WHAT YOU MORONS DO WITH BOOKS, YOU READ THEM AND YOU START MAKING UP NEW LISTS BUILDS AND GETTING ALLIED DETACHMENTS AND YOU START COMPLAINING ABOUT ALL THE NICE THINGS YOU DON’T HAVE.
HERE’S AN AXE. GO TAKE SKULLS. THAT’S ALL YOU NEED, STOP COMPLAINING.
SOME OF MY WUSSIER MINIONS, WHO I’M STARTING TO SUSPECT ARE SLAANESH WORSHIPERS SECRETLY, OR MAYBE EVEN ELDAR, ARE SAYING THAT A NEW BATTLETOME MIGHT MAKE MY ARMY MORE COMPETITIVE.
THAT’S STUPID AND IT MAKES ME ANGRY. ANGRIER THAN NORMAL.
WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT COMPETITIVE CRAP EVEN MEAN?
I NEVER TOLD YOU TO BE COMPETITIVE, I TOLD YOU TO GO OUT AND GET SKULLS, YOU DINGBATS. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU THAT I DON’T CARE FROM WHENCE THE BLOOD FLOWS? IT’S LITERALLY IN EVERY DUMB BOOK I’VE EVER PRINTED.
I KNOW THAT, BECAUSE EVERY TIME THOSE TEA DRINKERS AT NOTTINGHAM SEND ME THE COPY TO PROOFREAD BEFORE THEY PUBLISH IT, I ALWAYS TELL THEM, “MAKE SURE IT SAYS I CARE NOT FROM WHENCE THE BLOOD FLOWS.”
YOU CHICKS ALL NEED TO UNBUNCH YOUR PANTIES, OR AT LEAST START ACTING LIKE LADIES THAT KNOW HOW TO MURDER CORRECTLY, LIKE THOSE WITCH ELF CHICKS. I MISS THE DARK ELVES, THAT WAS AN ARMY THAT GOT ME. THEY HAD CAULDRONS FULL OF BLOOD AND FRENZY AND BLACK SABBATH RECORDS EVERYWHERE, IT WAS GREAT. I DON’T KNOW WHY YOU MORONS WENT AND SCREWED THAT UP FOR ME.
ALWAYS ANGRY,
KHORNE.
PS- OH AND VALKYIA IS ALRIGHT TOO.
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About the Author: Jack Stover
