Jstove is back and he has brought a message from Big Daddy Khorne. It’s simple why Khorne does not get hobby block, and he’ll tell you why you shouldn’t either.
HEY IDIOTS. ARE YOU BLEEDING OR DYING OR KILLING TO COLLECT SKULLS FOR MY THRONE RIGHT NOW? BECAUSE IF YOU’RE NOT, YOU SHOULD BE PAINTING.
IT’S ME, BIG DADDY KHORNE, AND I’M PISSED OFF AT SOME ARTICLES I’VE BEEN READING ON SPIKEY BITS OR BELL OF LOST SOULS OR SOME OTHER DUMB HOBBY BLOG LATELY ABOUT HOBBY BURNOUT OR GETTING BACK IN THE MOOD OR NOT WANTING TO PAINT OR WHATEVER YOUR DUMB EXCUSE IS.
IT’S NOT BAD ENOUGH THAT YOU LOSERS ARE CONTENT TO LET ELDAR PLAYERS WIN TOURNAMENTS OR YOU WANT TO PLAY WITH PRIMARCHS, OR YOU’RE CRYING ABOUT YOUR DEAD PRIMARCH THAT YOU WANT BACK. BUT YOU HAVE TO CRY ABOUT ALL THAT AND THEN STILL NOT PAINT YOUR TOYS.
IT’S NOT HARD. IT ONLY TAKES 2 THIN COATS. OR IF YOU’RE LIKE ME, ONE THICK COAT. OF BLOOD. FOR ME. THE BLOOD GOD.
DESPITE THE FACT THAT THERE ARE LIKE A MILLION JACKASSES ON THE INTERNET NOW WITH AIRBRUSHES THAT ARE TOTALLY ON TWITCH OR YOUTUBE OR WHATEVER THERE TO TEACH YOU HOW TO PAINT, YOU STILL COMPLAIN ABOUT HOBBY BLOCK WITH YOUR DUMB LITTLE PLASTIC MEN THAT ARE STILL STUCK IN BLACK PRIMER LIMBO.
YOU MAKE ME SICK. NURGLE SICK. I’D PUKE, BUT I DON’T DO THAT BECAUSE THAT’S HIS DEAL. I STRICTLY ONLY FART THUNDER AND CRAP LIGHTNING BECAUSE I’M MAGNIFICENT.
BUT JUST BECAUSE I WANT YOU OUT THERE DYING AND/OR KILLING FOR ME, I’M GONNA MAKE THIS REAL EASY FOR ALL YOU NUMBSKULLS THAT HAD NOTHING INSIDE YOUR CRANIUM BEFORE SKULLTAKER HOLLOWED IT OUT TO MAKE IT INTO HOME DECOR.
IT’S THIS. THE CURE FOR HOBBY BLOCK IS PLAYING KHORNE, YOU IDIOTS.
LOOK AT THE BLOODTHIRSTER MODEL. HE IS MADE OF HATRED AND TESTOSTERONE. HE LOOKS LIKE DOLPH LUNDGREN ATE A SCHOOL BUS. YOU WANT TO PAINT HIM.
LOOK AT ALL THE ROIDED OUT DUDES IN AGE OF SIGMAR. THERE’S THAT GUY WITH THE DOG. AND THERE’S THAT GUY WITH THE NUNCHUCKS MADE OF AXES. THERE’S EVEN A GUY THAT HAS A HAMMER OR AN AXE OR SOMETHING AND IT’S ON FIRE. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON WITH NUNCHUCK FIRE AXES BUT IT’S CRAZY AND I CAN DIG IT.
PAINT THOSE GUYS. THEY ARE COOL.
PAINT BLOODLETTERS. THEY ARE EASY AND THEY LOOK GREAT AND THEY HAVE COOL SWORDS.
PAINT KHORNE BERZERKERS. OR JUST BUY THE AGE OF SIGMAR GUYS, GLUE BOLT PISTOLS AND CHAINSWORDS ONTO THEM, AND PAINT COOLER LOOKING KHORNE BERSERKERS.
PAINT JUGGERNAUTS. IT’S NOT HARD, IT’S LIKE A MY LITTLE PONY, EXCEPT IT’S METAL AND MADE OF HATRED. HATRED IS EASY TO PAINT.
PAINT A SLAUGHTERBRUTE. I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT THING DOES, BUT I KNOW I LIKE IT BECAUSE IT’S NAME IS SLAUGHTERBRUTE. I’M GONNA NAME MY SLAYER COVER BAND SLAUGHTERBRUTE.
WOW THAT WAS EASY. IT TURNS OUT THE REASON NONE OF YOU PAINT IS BECAUSE YOU AREN’T KHORNE PLAYERS AND ALL YOUR MODELS ARE DUMB. IF YOU WERE A KHORNE WORSHIPER, YOU WOULD ONLY HAVE COOL MODELS AND THEY WOULD ALL BE PAINTED.
ALL KHORNE PLAYERS HAVE FULLY PAINTED ARMIES. THIS IS A FACT. ANY THAT DON’T ARE DEAD, AND IF YOU SEE ONE THAT’S ALIVE, IT’S ONLY BECAUSE I HAVEN’T SENT SKULLTAKER TO KILL HIM YET. DON’T WORRY, HE’S ON THE WAY.
PLAY KHORNE AND PAINT YOUR MODELS, FOOLS. OH AND BY THE WAY, FOR ALL YOU BLOOD ANGELS THAT WANT SANGIUNIUS SO BAD, SO YOU CAN SIT THERE AND.NOT.PAINT.HIM, HE’S NOT COMING BACK, BUT KA’BANDHA IS!
KHORNE 1, SANGUINIUS 0.
