Ever wonder what conversations of Chaos Marines look like in between all the fighting and bloodshed? It’s actually more laid back than you think.
Jstove overheard Abaddon and the Lord Discordant talking in an interview recently and he’s decided to share what they were talking about with the rest of the class.
Abaddon & The Lord of Discordant Have a Chat
Abbs: It’s very nice to have you in here today for the interview on such short notice, Mr…
Lord Discordant: Lord Discordant. I’m a Lord Discordant.
Abadiddy: Oh, is that like a Slaanesh thing? Are you like a Noise Marine lord?
Lord Disco: No, actually. I ride a big Daemon engine and I buff Daemon engines.
Abadoodle: Oh. Well, I figured because you had “Discordant” in your name that would be like, a sound thing you know.
Lord Disco: Yea I get that a lot. The guys who name units lately are totally phoning it in. The primaris stuff is super annoying, thank the gods we aren’t Loyalists.
Abaddaddy: Yea I hear that. So tell me, Lord Discordant, what do you bring to the table?
Lord Disco: Well I ride around on a giant robot spider, I look like Skeletor, I give Damon engines +1 to hit. I’m really just a swell guy to have around if I do say so myself.
Abbadoodle: Yes, you have an impressive resume. How many wounds though?
Lord Disco: Wounds?
Abbadingus: Yes, how many wounds do you have?
Lord Disco: I uhm, I’m not sure yet.
Abbadoo: Hmm… Gonna be hard to offer you a job without knowing your wound count there, buddy. I gotta say, it’s tough in the Chaos codex right now, even with all the new stuff in Shadowspear. I don’t think I can find a spot for you unless you clock in under ten.
Lord Disco: Why’s that?
Abbazabba: Hive Tyrant Syndrome. Very dangerous disease…Infects all characters with 10 or more wounds. See that Knight Castellan over there on the other side of the table? If you’ve got HTS, he can see you, and then you’re dead because he sure as hell isn’t gonna let our Maulerfiends hit on 3s. You’re also kind of fat.
Lord Disco: Fat?
Abbadon’t: Yea, big on your base. Your battle cat might be a liability. See, we’ve got a problem with Loyalists right now. They’re literally spewing out Snipers. Scouts, Vindicare assassins, those new hobo Sniper Marines in Shadowspear, or you know, just a Slamguinius or a Custodian Biker Captain jumping on you and stepping on your face. Lots of anti-character stuff beating down Chaos lately. The Daemon Princes have all gone back to the Warp. Being big is a liability lately. Turns out it is wrong to be strong.
Lord Disco: Wow. That’s a shame. So who’s leading Chaos lately?
Abbazoozle: Bob. He’s doing a great job.
Lord Disco: Who’s Bob?
Alabama: You know, generic Chaos Lord in power armor. Just stands in the back looking inconspicuous, handing out a re-roll 1s buff. Great guy. Got employee of the month last 3 months running. I should promote him to Daemon Prince, but then he’d probably get eaten by a Culexus.
Lord Disco: So things aren’t looking that great around here…
Abbashamwow: Tell ya what, I’ll keep your resume on the top of my pile here. You call me back if you have less than 10 wounds, and are under 180ish points.
