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GW’s Tactical Rock Brings Unknown Power

By Wesley Floyd | May 8th, 2022 | Categories: Age of Sigmar, News / Rumors, satire, Warhammer 40k

how-to-make-cooler-miniaturesWe’ve noticed another trend in GW’s design department, and we have to give it to them as these three things make miniatures instantly cooler…

Games Workshop has a few key design trends they like to include for special character miniatures to make them cooler. One of these is the classic Captain Morgan pose.

Captain Morgan Pose Reserved for the Moderately Cool

If you’re a cool character and want to stand out of the crowd in GW’s line, just find a rock (or dead Space Marine) to prop your foot up on.

DW captain

Deathwatch Terminator Captain

primaris apothecary

Primaris Apothecary

abaddon

New Abaddon

See the trend we’re talking about?  There are actually a lot of characters out there that aren’t afraid to hike their knee up to seem more badass. But let’s go on to the pose that’s reserved for ONLY the most heroic of the bunch.

The character that started it all has his very own miniature. Behold the man that mounts, Commander Riker:

Commander riker

GW Reserves Birds for the Coolest Characters

Another design trend is reserved for only GW’s most favorite characters…The ol’ bird on the arm.

cosplay funny space marine wal hor

Alright, so. We know what you’re thinking. Why would anyone want to take a bird into battle? Who in their right mind would want to bring a feathered-up flying stomach into a Grimdark universe where the dudes that get picked on (Space Marines) have exploding grenade bullets that can turn a Guardsmen into red mist in .001 seconds?

Only the dudes that came out on the other side of the high school skinny jeans and snapback phase clean. We’re talking about Njal Stormcaller, the White Scars Praetor, Sanson Farstrider, and Coteaz IN THAT ORDER.

Level 1: Psyber Raven on Norwegian Space Wizard

njal

This guy is already topping the scales for having a bird on his shoulder. What makes it even cooler is that his Raven has a laser eye. His Raven gets better treatment than most Servitors do.

Level 2: Old Space Mongolian With Laser Falcon

 

space mongolian, laser falcon

Next, we’ve got the new White scars Praetor for Heresy. In a setting where all of the Imperium’s weapons were designed to crack through Space Marine armor, this guy still goes into battle with a laser-eyed bird of prey.

level 3: Mystical Space Bird on Golden Lightning Man

sanson

We’ve gotta give Sanson props for this one. This guy is killing the Captain morgan pose and has enough arm strength to hold up that bird. He’s armed with basically a bolt gun (GW will never admit it) but his bird still does more damage.

If you haven’t seen Sanson in action, let’s paint a picture for you. Before you even see him, his bird is already in the sky targeting you. Sanson steps from behind cover and performs a precisely timed and heavily rehearsed “hammer time” jig to distract you. At that moment, you feel the swift knuckle of the bird separate your C3 and C4 in your neck. There you are…left with the last image in your head of a golden lightning man dancing in heavy plate armor just before a space bird folds you in half with one punch.

Level 4: Double-Barreled Laser Eagle on Grumpy Bad Guy Hunter

coteaz

Coteaz is an old dude in some artificer armor that loves his job. He’s responsible for hunting heretics and anything else that would challenge the Imperium’s authority. He’s got a pistol on his hip but it’s covered in cobwebs and still has ammo in the magazine from 1962. He honestly has no reason to use it. Not when you have a double-barreled laser eagle on your arm. It’s like America multiplied its freedom with another head and perched itself on the man responsible for keeping the peace through fear.

It’s Only Up From Here

So what could possibly be cooler than a dude holding a bird in the middle of battle? A bird holding his men up in battle.

commissar bird

New future model blueprints from GW Headquarters

A Tactical Rock Brings Unknown Power

The newest addition to GW’s design trends, the ever-present and insanely powerful tactical rock! Some of you may say that the Captain Morgan is the same thing as the tactical rock, but little do you know, they are totally different and represent a whole new power level, possibly over 9000!

Eldar Warlock 3Why have your models stand on grass? So 2018, so boring. GW has increased the power of these warlocks by about tenfold, just look at that extra inch of height, and that beautiful stance is truly enhanced. Do the rocks cover the entirety of the base? Of course not! And why should they, then it would lose the tactical nature.

Come one, learn your rocks.

GW took it to a whole new level with this one! Again, no need to actually walk across the battlefield, now you can reliably keep your high ground advantage (just ask Anakin how important that is) as you saunter into battle.

magun raObviously, 40k wouldn’t be outdone by AoS and this double tactical rock/ruins combo on your old favorite is just what this ancient Eldar needed. Why did he get better in the new codex? Power creep? How naive of you!

It’s this insane rock combo, it couldn’t be anything else.

Ka’Bandha takes a tactical rock to a whole new level! Not only is he smashing a poor marine, but he’s also getting ready for the next deadly strike. Just remember, when your opponent drops down miniatures with a tactical rock, you must destroy it right away or there is just no way you could win- (unless you have something cooler).

What is your favorite way to make a miniatures both cooler and stronger in seconds? 

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About the Author: Wesley Floyd

Imperial fanboy, tabletop fanatic, King of sprues.
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