Fabius Bile was lucky enough to get his hands on a salvageable Adeptus Custode and brought it to life… but it isn’t what he was expecting.
One of our Inquisitorial spies has just reported back with an inside look at what Fabius has been up to in his Cadian laboratory. He’s translated everything that was said on this data slate.
Fabius Bile Gets Roasted By His Own Creation
[Fabius]: Eeck! My masterpiece is almost complete! After so many years of getting stepped on by those other traitors… I WILL FINALLY BE A FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH… THANKS TO MY LATEST CREATION!
*turns on Frankenstein-style lightning machine*
*Ding*
[Fabius]: ARISE! ARISE MY SERVA-
[Custode]: Hey, excuse me. Have you seen my creator? I figured he’d be around here but it looks like he’s left me with you… You old grimdark Squidward-looking loser.
Visible confusion
[Fabius]: Eeck… I… I’m your um… *clears throat* IM YOUR CREATOR. KNEEL BEFORE M-
[Custode]: No. There’s no way you’re my creator. How would a crotchety old man with a 6″ oversized shirt collar pushing his face up make a physiological masterpiece like myself? You know what, I’m gonna take you to the barbecue.
[Custode]: You look like you shop at Hot Topic and never miss Wednesday night bingo at the old folks home.
[Custode]: Boy, you look like if you were an inanimate object, you’d be a participation trophy.
[Custode]: You are a pizza burn on the roof of the world’s mouth.
[Custode]: I bet you swim with a T-shirt on.
Fabius’s thinking of a comeback M.41 colorized
[Custode]: Your face looks like it was set on fire and put out with chains.
[Custode]: If genius skips a generation, your children will be brilliant.
[Custode]: Everyone that has ever said they love you was wrong.
[Custode]: You are the stone in the shoes of humanity.
[Fabius]: *Fighting back visible tears*
[Custode]: I’ll admit, you’ve got a great body. Too bad there’s no workout routine for a face.
[Custode]: You smell like you wipe back to front.
[Custode]: You look like something I drew with my left hand.
*end transmission*
[Inquisitor ronaldus]: Well, we may not have to send anyone down to Cadia after all. It sounds like things are handled pretty well there.
Is Fabius the easiest 40k character to roast? What do you think his Agents of Bile faction will be like?
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About the Author: Wesley Floyd
Wesley Floyd
Job Title: Staff Writer
Joined: 2018
Socials: @RealmbrushPainting
About Wesley Floyd: Wes has been in the Warhammer hobby since 2015 and joined the Spikey Bits writing team in 2018. He is known for his satirist takes on trending topics and imaginative yet amazingly affordable hobby solutions to painting Warhammer miniatures.
Imperial fanboy, tabletop fanatic, and the self-proclaimed King of Sprues. He knows for a fact that Mephiston red is the best-tasting paint and is the commission painting equivalent of a Wendy’s 4 for $4. If you like what he writes and want to contact him or have your tabletop minatures painted (to a mostly okayish standard), message him on Instagram.
