What if they made a terrain piece that all the tiny Space Marine could use to become BIG like their Primaris Bros? Introducing the Rubicon Primaris!
With every faction getting a terrain piece lately, why haven’t Space Marines been at the front of the line? We took matters into our own hands in totally unofficial let hopefully funny take on Warhammer 40k terrain…
We’ve seen a pattern lately where every army that gets a codex also gets some kind of fancy terrain piece that costs a handful of points and has its own rules. For Example, the Orks have their Big Mek Workshop, GSC have the Tectonic Fragdrill etc.
It’s not like Space Marines to get everything last! Here’s our sales pitch to GW in the hopes that they make a terrain piece for Space Marines. Please enjoy.
Queue It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia intro music
Rubicon Primaris Terrain Piece
Hello, fellow Space Marine player! Have you thought to yourself mid-game Man, I wish I could halve my firepower and turn my normal Marines into overcosted, bigger ones? Well, we’ve got just the answer for you!
Introducing…The Rubicon Primaris! Yes, the model is a drop pod, but no one uses these things anyway. We’re sure the new Space Marine players had no idea this was a drop pod until we told them. So just roll with it.
See, with GW shoving spoonful after spoonful of Primaris down our throats, we went ahead and took the liberty of crafting a mobile Rubicon Primaris terrain piece. That way, you can bring it to the frontlines and turn your already-competitively struggling Marines into worse, bigger versions! Hooray!
Who needs cheaper Devastators with weapon options when you could step inside the Rubicon Primaris and come out with only expensive plasma! It’s a no brainer!
Tired of that big ol’ bucket of bolts Land Raider? Who uses tracks anymore, right? Not to worry, just a few seconds in the Rubicon Primaris and BAM! It’s now an overcosted hovering bucket of bolts with an even bigger gunner on top!
Need to give your Captain a quick makeover before the enemy closes in? Good thinking! Get him inside the Rubicon Primaris! A few seconds later and BAM! You’ve got the real-life grimdark Michelin man!
Need your Scouts to get even worse at heir job? Quick! To the Rubicon Primaris! Just a minute inside and they’ll even come out with spooky skull masks to scare off any would-be attackers! Thanks, Rubicon Primaris!
An Easy Trick on Playing Bigger Games!
Remember kids, If you only have enough models for a 1,500 pt game but want to play a 2,000 pt game, just run everything through the Rubicon Primaris. It’ll bring your points cost on units WAY UP so you can roll with the big dogs! Just don’t expect to do too well, kiddo!
Imperial Scout enters the Rubicon while a Raven Guard Captain, and Imperial Assassin watches. (m.41 colorized).
Let us know what you think about the terrain piece idea in the comments of our Facebook Hobby Group.
About the Author: Wesley Floyd
Wesley Floyd
Job Title: Staff Writer
Joined: 2018
Socials: @RealmbrushPainting
About Wesley Floyd: Wes has been in the Warhammer hobby since 2015 and joined the Spikey Bits writing team in 2018. He is known for his satirist takes on trending topics and imaginative yet amazingly affordable hobby solutions to painting Warhammer miniatures.
Imperial fanboy, tabletop fanatic, and the self-proclaimed King of Sprues. He knows for a fact that Mephiston red is the best-tasting paint and is the commission painting equivalent of a Wendy’s 4 for $4. If you like what he writes and want to contact him or have your tabletop minatures painted (to a mostly okayish standard), message him on Instagram.
