We’re back with another Jstove original! Today our friendly neighborhood Dreadnought is telling us why he loves the new 8th edition.
Hello everyone, a lot of you don’t know me, but I’m a dreadnought.
Let’s face it, I’m busted. I’m fat and overweight, not enough armor, and too many points.
Yes, I’m actually a thousand year old mostly dead space marine crammed into a fishbowl full of weird glowing blue juice, and I’m kept in some kind of sad parody of life by a combination of tubes, intravenous feeding, and cheezit crackers sprinkled into the top of my aquarium-sarcophagus.
Being a dreadnought is a pretty rough gig. In addition to not having any limbs or lower body because those parts were all blown off hundreds of years ago in the war I only miraculously survived by being a genetic superhuman freak of science fiction, I spend most of my time sleeping in my fishbowl, or sleeping on your shelf, where I count motes of dust collecting on my carapace between naps.
I gotta tell you guys, I’m excited for 8th edition. Why? Well, mostly because I might actually see the table again, and actually run up to something and murder the hell out of it. Remember all the fun we used to have, when I was only dead for about six hundred years, and you still thought dreadnoughts were cool? I mean I know you still think dreadnoughts are cool, but cool enough to make me actually worth putting on the table. Cool enough for armor 12? Come on, nobody thinks I’m that cool. Hell, My old squad mate in the Ironclad isn’t that cool, and he’s armor 13!
Rumor has it that, in 8th edition, we might be moving to a system where giant walkers aren’t anything to worry about. Rumor has it that I might even get something like a Toughness or a Wounds stat, and maybe we’ll finally make that whole vehicle armor system deader than me. That’s all rumors, but boy am I excited!
Let’s face it, I’m busted. I’m fat and overweight, not enough armor, and too many points, I’m slow and it takes me forever to get into a fight, even if I hitch a ride in a drop pod, and I get pretty much nothing for guns. Back in second edition, when I was only dead for about 400 years, I had guns for days. The firepower I had was more considerable back then. But then they got rid of sustained fire dice and special grenade ammo and all the fun stuff, and suddenly that assault cannon just didn’t cut it anymore.
So with all the crying and pissing going on about codex books being burned and everything going all Sigmar up or whatever the hell you morons that can still feel your legs and feel sunlight on your skin are crying about, I gotta wonder…
If 8th edition changes everything, and it changes vehicles to be fun, is that really bad?
I don’t think so. You shouldn’t either. I’m 50 bucks and you never pull me off the shelf.
-Your dreadnought.
NOTE: This article was written the day before the 8E dreadnought with Toughness and Wounds was spoiled on the internet. DREADNOUGHT IS PSYCHIC.
