Let’s listen in as Watch Captain Artemis briefs the new recruits on the life and death tactics of the mighty Space Marine Deathwatch.
Hello new marines, and welcome to Deathwatch. I’m the most senior member of the Deathwatch, Watch Captain Artemis, and I’ve been here since the 54mm Inquisitor game.
Thank you for attending this mandatory briefing. We’ve got a lot of new faces, but we always have a lot of new faces, because most of you are going to die horribly.
Some of you are Primaris Marines, and you have two wounds. That only means you will die twice as slowly, but probably as equally horribly as your one wound battle brothers. Now that you have joined the ranks of the super elite dedicated Xenos fighters, it’s time for you to learn how to survive on the alien battlefields of the forty-first millennium.
Survival for super elite Deathwatch Marines is actually quite simple. There is only one rule. NEVER GET OFF THE BLACKSTAR.
Everyone repeat it with me now, NEVER GET OFF THE BLACKSTAR. In my entire career in the Deathwatch, I have never gotten off the Blackstar. That is why I am the only surviving member of the Deathwatch.
Are there any questions? Yes? You in the back? What if you get off the Blackstar? Good question. You’re dead. The end. Never get off the Blackstar.
This is a Blackstar. Once you get on it, weld your butt to the seat, and don’t leave until the mission is over. Understood? Great. Moving on.
Let’s talk about our super elite tactics for fighting Xenos.
These are spore mines. They are floating alien sacks full of mortal wounds and room temperature Mountain Dew. If there is one within 3 inches of you, you are already dead. They only cost ten points, or they are free if a Biovore or a Harpy poops them out, and God help you if you are playing power points, where the opponent can just plop down a grip of them for free at the start of the game because only matched play has reinforcement costs. How do you fight spore mines? Good question. Never get off the Blackstar.
Moving on.
This is a Dark Reaper Exarch. He has a Tempest Launcher. If you don’t see him, you are already dead. His weapon does not require line of sight. There is only one way to fight this alien menace- Never get off the Blackstar.
This is a Ghostkeel Battlesuit. If you don’t see him, you are already dead.
If you do see him, he’s -2 to hit. After you miss him, you are already dead. Solution? Never get off the Blackstar.
This is a Termagant. Specifically, it is the scientifically named Tyranus Gaunticus Not The Beesius. It has a devourer. If you see one of these, you probably see 29 more.
You are already dead. He and his friends will shoot your squad 90 times, then spend 2 command points and shoot you 90 more times. Solution? Say it with me now… Never get off the Blackstar.
This is a Sunshark Bomber. It drops mortal wounds on you.
Statistically, if it flies over you, good news! Only half of you are dead. What’s the best way to fight it? Never get off the Blackstar.
These are Wyches. If your Blackstar pilot stops to hover and lets them charge him, then he is already dead.
This concludes our orientation. The Deathwatch commends you for your service, brothers. Your chapters have already been informed of your loss.
