Papa Nurgle would like you to now how easy it is make him happy that he has brought in a special guest to show you: Bloaty the Green Bloat Fly!
Bloaty the Green Bloat Fly, that ever-buzzing and diseases spreading blight, is here today to help all those that enjoy being in the good graces of Papa Nurgle. It is so easy, a Primaris Marine could do it!
Hi kids, I’m Bloaty the Green Bloat Fly and I’m here to help you make Papa Nurgle proud!
What’s the best thing you can do to make your good grandpa happy? I’ll tell you, it’s easy! All you have to do is smoke cigarettes, stop taking baths, and spit and cough on all your friends! Yaaaay!
What’s the second best thing you can to make Papa Nurgle proud? Well, that is super easy too! Paint your Death Guard Army.
That’s right, just crack open your shiny, new 8E starter box, clip the Death Guard off the sprue, and show them that tender Nurgle love and care.
What about the Primaris Marines? Well, they’re dumb.
You can trade away for MORE GREAT DEATH GUARD models or you can do what I do and just throw them away in the trash so nobody can have them! Yaaay! Death to the False Emperor!
Now let’s talk about how you can be a great servant of Nurgle by painting your Death Guard for papa. It’s 4 easy steps. It’s not even 7, your dad’s favorite number. This is so easy, it’s only 4. Yaaay!
- Spray primer your Death Guard.
- Paint them green.
- DUMP IN A BUCKET OF AGRAX EARTHSHADE.
- Highlight them by painting them a slightly lighter green.
Yaaay!
Good job! You’re done. You’re now a pro-painter and you can walk up to Duncan Rhodes and sucker punch him right in the progenoid glands!
I hope this guide really worked for you! You’ll be spreading grandfather Nurgle’s abundant love soon.
Remember, it’s okay not to shower and poop your pants.
Editor’s Note – If you skip showering and poop your pants, you will be thrown out of the game shop for sure, this is Satire after all…
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About the Author: Jack Stover
