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A Confused Space Marine Reports From The Front…

By Wesley Floyd | April 19th, 2019 | Categories: satire, Space Marines, Warhammer 40k

space marine wal

Brother Anismus has sent us another letter from the frontlines. Let’s check in on how he’s doing and what there is to report from the Space Marine!

Hello again. It is I, Brother Anismus writing to you from the frontlines. As you recall, the Guard still make fun of me and we are still grieving Captain Perisamus’s…less than dignified death…But things are looking up.

We’ve Received Support from Chapter Master Dante

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I had never seen Dante with my own eyes. I have only heard legends speak about his heroic rise to the title of Chapter Master of the Blood Angels. Seeing him wear Sanguinius’s Death Mask was truly a remarkable sight.

With him were two Captains with Thunder Hammers. When we were encountered by a patrol of Heretic’s Knights, we feared that it would be our doom. However, they sprung up with their hammers and beat the cankles right off of the war machines!

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We celebrated later that night…but one of the Captains began to have a very strange look in his eyes. After our Chapter’s traditional post-victory apple bobbing competition, he began to foam out of the mouth and twitch. We kept our distance from him for the rest of the night. Oddly enough, I awoke the next morning to see Astorath leaving the Captain’s tent. He missed breakfast so I suppose Astorath was just dropping some Extra Strength Alieve off to the warrior. What a good Brother!

Anyway, I had just received word that we are to regroup at a landing zone and prepare for an invasion on another planet. I will write back to you once we have arrived. The Emperor Protects

Are Blood Angels Smash Captains still in your list? Are you a diehard Space Marine player? Let us know in the comments of our Facebook Hobby Group.

About the Author: Wesley Floyd

Wesley Floyd headshot

Wesley Floyd

Job Title: Staff Writer

Joined: 2018

Socials: @RealmbrushPainting

About Wesley Floyd: Wes has been in the Warhammer hobby since 2015 and joined the Spikey Bits writing team in 2018. He is known for his satirist takes on trending topics and imaginative yet amazingly affordable hobby solutions to painting Warhammer miniatures.

Imperial fanboy, tabletop fanatic, and the self-proclaimed King of Sprues. He knows for a fact that Mephiston red is the best-tasting paint and is the commission painting equivalent of a Wendy’s 4 for $4.  If you like what he writes and want to contact him or have your tabletop minatures painted (to a mostly okayish standard), message him on Instagram.