This week, I wanted to take all the evidence of what we know about GW’s new releases and figure out exactly what is going on with this company.
How is everybody doing this week? Today my hope is that at the end of this article you’ll have a clear idea of how Games Workshop designs new models.
Everything is Weird
Just like my gray toenail, our beloved miniatures company is going through a strange phase right now. Prior to Lumaneth Realm Lords, GW tended to stay within the normal confines of their model design. Take a dude, put him in some armor, either make it smooth or spikey, hand him a shield and a weapon. BOOM. Print money. If you’re feeling extra creative, put him on a horse.
Then, just like my formerly pink toenail, things started turning dark. We got kangaroo cavalry, giant mountain bulls, and troops sporting hats that were far too tall. Your normal fantasy conventions were twisted into strange new territory. It is easy to give them credit for creativity, but is there more to it? Certainly not every player likes the new direction these models are going in, as is evident on forums and comments sections.
The wargaming community was split, like a toenail will eventually do when allowed to turn gray. Some people hated the new aesthetic, while others loved it. I personally liked most of the strange new changes and bold creative directions, even the saddled kangaroos.
Why Is Everything Cur-razy?
I think we all understand that 3D printing is potentially an ever-growing wave of destruction miniature models’ industry. I think we all also understand that GW has a limited window to keep raking in money for models the way they are.
One way they can combat the 3D printer disaster is to create models that are so strange that you can’t find a proxy for them. That is unless you are intentionally trying to print a proxy for the GW model. Prior to the Kangaroo cavalry, had you ever seen something like that? Of course not. I heard you in the back of the crowd Tom. You’re lying. You had never even thought about marsupial mounts until they came hopping out of a preview article from the community page.
Just like a tender toe covering, they need to do whatever they can to protect their copyrights. They could wrap their copyrights with gauze, or refrain from wearing shoes. But a much more effective way to keep copyrights safe is to make them unique and distinctive. If it ever comes time for the company to protect their designs, they can easily prove that these crazy designs are distinctively theirs. I mean, they’d have to wait for the judge to stop laughing of course, but the point still stands.
If they stuck with the normal “dude in armor with shield and weapon” designs of the past, players could easily print proxies. You can’t even turn on your 3D printer without seventeen fantasy miniatures falling out.
Here’s the Secret Sauce
I have infiltrated Games Workshop’s design studio and here is what I found.
GW has an artboard of distinctive features to add to models hung on their studio wall. They start their design process by blindfolding an intern and spinning them around. Then they are given a dart and must toss it at the board. Any two combinations that are hit make up the new models. Genius! Instant distinctiveness.
Here’s a sampling of their menu of “distinctive features”:
- Bald head with a ponytail
- Centaur
- Tall hats
- Thicc Fiends of Slaanesh
- Improbable Battlesuit
- Gravestone
- Bull
- Holding a sign for some reason
- Vampire
- Mushrooms
- A dead person on their base
- Kangaroos
- Tentacles or fat rolls
- Wolf Pelt
- Extra arms/legs
- Egg Hatching
- A mouth that is comically large
- Chains!
- Candles. Lots of candles
So there you have it! You know their secrets now. For extra fun, make it a drinking game for future releases. Every time a model is debuted with at least two of these traits, go get drunk. I mean, like a forget-who-you-are drunk. Ya know, we’ve had some fun this week; shared a few laughs.
Does anyone know if rotten toenails usually cause a black vein to run up your leg towards your heart? I’ve got about 10” until it gets to its destination, but man do I hate seeing doctors. It’s fine, I’ll be fine.
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