Turns out Archaon may have been busy leading the forces of Chaos across the Mortal Realms when all these Warcry kids showed up on his lawn…
Archaon is the head honcho of Chaos champions and as far as things go, he’s in control. With all of the power under his name, he’s attracted some pretty odd fans. Check out what they’re doing to gain his favor.
Archaon Wakes Up to Warbands In His Varanspire
Archaon: *snoozing in his bed dreaming about cheaper Varanguard models*
*Archaon wakes up to pounding on his door*
Servant of Chaos: My lord, there are mysterious Warbands inside our walls and they’re devastating everything we own!
Archaon: What? How did they get past the guards?
Servant of Chaos: I received word that they were…”here to gain your favor”. I suppose the guards just let them in.
Archaon: Let me take a look for myself. *Archaon goes to his extra spikey porch of Chaos*
Archaon: LISTEN UP! WHO HERE RAVAGES MY LANDS?
Untamed Beasts: My Great and terrible hunter! We wish to join you on your hunt and destroy all life and civilization! The Untamed Beasts noticed that there were an awful lot of cows and pigs in your barns and we have slaughtered every last one. We have also burned down most of the buildings that have been put up in your slumber. Hopefully, we have proved our worthiness to you. Oh, great hunter!
Archaon: Did…did you kill all of my livestock thinking that was hunt-worthy? Did you burn all of my servants’ homes…I…
Corvus Cabal: SCRAWWKK! *running to Archaon with arms flapping like wings* My lord! We have taken the warriors in your towers and skinned them for you! Enjoy these SCRAWWKK! war trophies!
Archaon: Why would you even think it’s necessary to… Why would I want their skin?
Splintered Fang: My dearesssst Archaon! We have arrived to aid in your quesssst to overthrow the mortal realmssss. But we have already taken the liberty of poisssoning all of your council memberssss. That way our dear friendssss, the Cypher Lords may be of better sssserivce.
Archaon: I have known my council member for an age and a half and you just decide to poison them without my…
Cypher Lords: OH GOOD HEAVENS. What on earth will you do without a strong governing body? Have no fear, we shall run your lands while you are gone and totally not ever think about causing mass panic through dark schemes of any sort! *fans Archaon’s face*
Archaon: *eyes squinting from the breeze being blown in his face too hard* Uh…Yeah but I need to make sure you guys know what you’re doi…
Unmade: HEY ARCHAON. WE GOT THE SPOOKY HALLOWEEN STUFF COVERED!
How do you think Archaon would have reacted if the Warcry Warbands showed up unannounced to win his favor?
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About the Author: Wesley Floyd
Wesley Floyd
Job Title: Staff Writer
Joined: 2018
Socials: @RealmbrushPainting
About Wesley Floyd: Wes has been in the Warhammer hobby since 2015 and joined the Spikey Bits writing team in 2018. He is known for his satirist takes on trending topics and imaginative yet amazingly affordable hobby solutions to painting Warhammer miniatures.
Imperial fanboy, tabletop fanatic, and the self-proclaimed King of Sprues. He knows for a fact that Mephiston red is the best-tasting paint and is the commission painting equivalent of a Wendy’s 4 for $4. If you like what he writes and want to contact him or have your tabletop minatures painted (to a mostly okayish standard), message him on Instagram.
