If there is one sure-fire way to end the Chinacast/3D printing “crisis” that the hobby world seems to constantly be experiencing, this may be it…
Editor’s Note: It goes without saying that we do not condone any behavior that infringes on the IP or copyrights of any company. Nor any behavior that infringes on the rights of any gamer out there via the gamer’s bill of rights or GW’s new code of conduct.
It is clear after recent events in the hobby that new policies are needed for Organized play to specifically deal with proxy models such as 3D prints, as well as third party companies’ miniatures. Recasts are a completely different issue altogether that may never be wholly resolved. Regardless this post is a tongue in cheek presentation of a solution, that is really just a basic tenant of the hobby; paint your miniatures.
JStove here, and let me tell you how my day went recently...
First, I got out of bed and hopped in my car to go drive to pep boys and buy some paint stripper. Then, I went home, spread some old metal models out on a cookie sheet, and doused them with paint stripper.
After that, I went down to the tattoo shop to talk to my artist, and when I got back, I made a sandwich, sat down in front of my computer, turned it on, and saw this article on Spikey Bits.
Do you know what I did next?
I LAUGHED.
I laughed hard.
How To End The Chinacast 3D Printing Proxy Crisis
The internet has been in an absolute state of rage over proxy models and Chinese knock-off Forge World… If you believe the gaming news websites. It’s our job to stir the pot for clicks. Even the title of this article is designed to make you click. If you’re reading this it worked, thank you. Rob’s cats will eat well tonight because of your impulsiveness.
Me personally? I have the solution to the proxy China Russia 3D printed fake resin sleeper model problem. It’s really quite simple.
Paint your models.
It’s a very simple hobby, and it’s a hobby about toy soldiers. You should paint them. Some people are fans of the tired old excuse that they don’t have time to paint their toys, or they like the strategic aspect of the game but not the hobby aspect, or blah blah blah. Guess what? For those people, there’s Magic the Gathering, board games, and video games.
If you want strategy without hobby, go play with cardboard or consoles. If you like rolling dice and pushing little toy soldiers across the table, and you’re worried about someone beating you with fake models, or you’re worried about someone finding out you have fake models…
Paint Your Models
Through the power of paint, a magical layer of color is applied over the model to disguise its origin. Once a model is fully painted, it’s very difficult to discern its origin without damaging the model to find out. What does this mean?
It’s very simple. Out of sight, out of mind. If the model is painted, it looks authentic. If it looks authentic, you’re not worried that it isn’t. And if you never question that it’s authentic, then it is authentic. It’s Schrodinger’s model. Is there British resin or Chinese resin or Russian resin under the paint? You’ll never know, and you probably won’t ask.
Just Paint Your Models
Painting your models causes all your doubts about the model’s authenticity to disappear. The truth is that nobody knows where your models came from, and most of the time they don’t care. Also, they will never care ALL OF THE TIME, as long as they’re painted.
Somewhere right now, as you read this, someone is playing a game of 40k, and they might be using a proxy or a recast model, and the opponent won’t cry wolf because it’s painted. Painting is basically cheating. It’s the worst sin you can commit in the hobby because it makes it impossible for the INTERNET to know if your models are fake. Don’t you want to fool the internet?
Paint Your Models
Here are some pictures of models that will DESTROY YOUR LIFE. CLOSE THE TAB NOW, OR BE FOREVER AWAKENED TO DARK AND UNWHOLESOME TRUTHS. There can be no going back from here.
Are these Forgeworld Kakophoni Noise Marines Chinese or British resin? You’ll never know. They’ve been painted by a filthy cheater to disguise their nefarious origin. Schrodinger’s model.
What about these Forge World Sonic Dreadnoughts? Are they from Britain or the cosmic darkness of eBay? Schrodinger’s model strikes again!
These Obliterators? OBVIOUS PROXIES. But guess what? Up until 2019, all Obliterator models were garbage and made of Finecast or pewter and looked like crap. Dilemma, thy name is proxy.
What about this land raider? It’s clearly authentic. But the Judas Priest tape? That’s an illegal model. Cassette tapes don’t have rules in the index. They no longer exist.
Painting your models, it’s basically cheating.
And there you have it, folks! Have you ever tested a painted model to see if it was “real” or “fake”?
About the Author: Jack Stover
