What’s a day in the life of a Fire Warrior look like? We’ve got a schedule reported by Imperial Scouts of what they do on a daily basis for Tau and the greater good.
Imperial scouts have been keeping tabs on the Tau. They’ve found a firebase in the mountains and reported back on the daily life of a Fire Warrior. Here’s the hour-by-hour reporting of what they’ve seen.
A Day in the Life of a Fire Warrior: The Side of Tau You Don’t See
0600: The Tau in the base were spotted leaving their barracks and started doing their routine physical training. We noticed them Naruto running from point A to point B with the Sailor Moon theme song playing in the background.
0700: PT quickly changed into what looked like melee combat training. This was a mix of more naruto running and slapping a cardboard Space Marine cut-out.
0800: It was breakfast time and we noticed that each Fire Warrior was handed out a Lunchable, a box of animal crackers, and some chocolate milk.
0900: The Tau got into formation and we thought they were about to begin their drill sequences. However, we saw the senior Shas’O come out in shorts and a tank top and lead a Zumba workout session.
1000: This looked to be a free hour for the Fire Warriors to enjoy themselves. We mainly saw everyone gather up and have Jutsu hand sign competitions.
1100: They hosted a pep-rally for themselves where they split the crowd into two groups. One Tau got on stage and “wanted to hear everyone’s UWU’s on one side of the field and everyone’s OWO’s on the other. The louder group got some Shoto Todoroki wigs as a prize.
1200: Lunchtime. Each Fire Warrior was given a helping of dino nuggets and some mac and cheese.
1300: Surprisingly, they got a nap time. we saw some Fire Warriors nap underneath their Mantas and Tigersharks with their standard-issue anime body pillows.
1400: Arts and crafts. The same Shas’O from before gathered everyone up at some tables and had them create macaroni art.
1500: Shooting drills. The Fire Warriors were lined up to practice their marksmanship. They were shooting at Guardsmen-sized targets that would pop up. Periodically, there would be a cardboard cutout of an anime girl shoot up in front of the other targets. We heard the Shaso’O barking something over a megaphone which translated to “If you shoot the Waifu, we cancel your crunchy roll account”.
Unfortunately, we had to egress from the vantage point as the Tau began to walk toward our position for some afternoon yoga. That’s all we could gather from the time we monitored the base. Overall, it seems like they’re low on the list of real threats to the population.
What do you think a day in the life of Tau would look like?
About the Author: Wesley Floyd
Wesley Floyd
Job Title: Staff Writer
Joined: 2018
Socials: @RealmbrushPainting
About Wesley Floyd: Wes has been in the Warhammer hobby since 2015 and joined the Spikey Bits writing team in 2018. He is known for his satirist takes on trending topics and imaginative yet amazingly affordable hobby solutions to painting Warhammer miniatures.
Imperial fanboy, tabletop fanatic, and the self-proclaimed King of Sprues. He knows for a fact that Mephiston red is the best-tasting paint and is the commission painting equivalent of a Wendy’s 4 for $4. If you like what he writes and want to contact him or have your tabletop minatures painted (to a mostly okayish standard), message him on Instagram.
