Since I’m such an amazing writer, I have no choice in the matter but to submit my own styled Black Library book to GW!
I really don’t like to brag publicly but … wait, I love that! Yeah, so I’m a pretty excellent writer and I figured I’d write an unsolicited novel for Black Library and see if they accept it. I mean, they’d be stupid not to. I bought Mark Twain’s writing desk in an auction about ten years back, and you know they wouldn’t just sell that to anyone. So that’s basically proof that I am a next-level writer.
Here is an action-packed excerpt from my upcoming Black Library novel. I hope you like it! For some back story, a Guard Unit gets ambushed by some Chaos Marines, then they get in a fight. Enjoy!
A Taste of Combat
Private Luser sat very scared on the floor of the room. He was scared so much that his eyes leaked down his face while they pointed at the Chaotic Marine. The Marine was stood there in his heavy armor, smiling like a squirrel. That’s when he spoke from his mouth that stopped smiling. Some of his teeth peeked out like children giggling.
“You may be the good person in this war, but I may not be!” The Marine growled and leapt at the urinating guardsmen.
When the Marine jumped at him, the trooper peed harder and screamed like the opposite of a whisper. It was so loud that if they were not on a battlefield and were instead in an apartment, the neighbors would complain.
The Chaos Marine bumped into him with much force, as if trying to do harm. The sizes of these fighters were so different, it was noticeable. The bad guy folded his hand into a fist and drew backwards so that it had time to build momentum before hitting the other man’s face.
Then another hand grabbed that fist from behind, which amazed the Chaos Guy because he had intended to punch the Imperial. The dry lips of the Chaos man turned into a circle with surprise like a rubber band on your counter, a stretched circle.
A Hero Among Us
He turned to see another Imperial male stood defyingly and the look his face had was defyingly resistant. At this point, the man spoke.
“I don’t like you hitting my friends! I wish you to hit me instead!”
And that just what the Chaos Guy did. He used that folded hand to kill that Guardsman as Private Luser screamed more and emptied his bowels even more. More wizz than he had ever made and expelled before, an impressive amount that in other circumstances may be recorded in a book, defying nature.
Powerful Prose
Did you just get chills? Me neither, but I suspect it is because your body wanted to shiver so hard it forgot how to. Anyway, doesn’t that just sound exactly like Black Library?
Here’s another fantastic excerpt to show that I am the full package, able to write emotion as well as action:
The fat Dreadnaught stood on the ground with flaming pieces of stuff all around him. His goal was right in front of him, teasing him like my cousin Todd when he had the name brand G.I. Joes. The Marine inside the Dreadnaught looked down at his prize, the thing that would bless his mission. He had struggled many times just now, but could not reach the heads-up penny in the dirt.
The Dreadnaught knew this was very extremely important, this was the luck they required to win. He bended over one more time, but his big fat mechanical fist could not grab the penny. At this time, the wind blew on his obese mechanical butt, pushing him over his stunty little runt legs. The sound he made was just like a car crash if the car was a Dreadnaught and the other car were dirt with a penny in it.
More Chills
The Dread was filled with dread. The Naught thought it was all for naught. The situation was dreadfully nautical. Like the Titanic. From his cockpit, all he could see now was dirt, and also that darn penny. The fallen hero turtled back and forth trying to get up, but he couldn’t. Like his brethren the Tyrannosaur, his arms were just too short.
At this time he cursed Chaos under his breath, and then over his breath. Then again around his breath. He tried somewhat to think of another direction to curse Chaos involving his breath, but he could not. Chaos won that day, because the penny was actually a nickel all along.
I hope you enjoyed it, I’m sorry I have to leave you hanging like that, but I’m sure once they read it, this will be fast-tracked straight to print.
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