Khorne Hates The New Plastic Thunderhawk

DEAR CRYBABIES, BLOOD GOD HERE, MAD AT YOU AGAIN, BECAUSE REASONS. WHAT AM I MAD ABOUT TODAY? THUNDERHAWK RUMORS. THAT’S WHAT!

A LOT OF YOU MORONS WERE JAWING OFF ABOUT A PLASTIC T-HAWK AND NOW YOU’RE SAD BECAUSE RUMORMONGERS ON THE INTERNET WERE WRONG, AND THAT THEY LED YOU TO BELIEVE IT WAS GOING TO BE PLASTIC WITH THEIR CLICKBAIT POST TITLES.

BIG SURPRISE. WHAT ARE YOU, 12? GO BACK TO PLAYING COUNTERSTRIKE AT YOUR LAN PARTIES AND STAYING UP DRINKING MOUNTAIN DEW ALL NIGHT, NERDS.MAYBE YOU ALL SHOULD GO READ THIS BOOK ABOUT MARKETING, IT’S CALLED TRUST ME, I’M LYING. WAIT, DON’T ACTUALLY READ IT. YOU’RE ALL JERKS AND READING IS FOR THAT NERD TZEENTCH. LET ME SPOIL IT FOR YOU, IT’S BASICALLY THIS- BLOGGERS AREN’T JOURNALISTS AND THEY PUBLISH LIES AND THEY DON’T CARE. THEY’RE JUST WHORES FOR WEBSITE CLICKS.

LET ME ACTUALLY TALK ABOUT THAT THUNDERHAWK THOUGH.

FIRST, IT LOOKS PRETTY GREAT, BECAUSE IT WAS MODELED IN THE LIKENESS OF MY HUGE, FIRE-HYDRANT LIKE ROD. YEP, YOU GUESSED IT, I HAVE A BATTLECANNON SITTING ON TOP OF MY MEATLANCE. I’M THE GOD OF WAR, WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?SECOND, DON’T EXPECT EVERY MODEL TO GO PLASTIC JUST BECAUSE FORGE WORLD CRAPS OUT OF THE RESIN CAST. MOLDS DECAY WITH TIME AND USE, AND I SHOULD REMIND YOU THAT THE THAWK WAS ONE OF FORGEWORLD’S OLDER MODELS… AND ANYONE WHO IS A VETERAN OF FORGE WORLD MODELS KNOWS THAT THE OLDER DESIGNS HAD REALLY CRAPPY PARTS AND WERE A PAIN TO CLEAN AND CORRECT. NOTHING OF VALUE LOST THERE.

PERSONALLY, I LOVE CRAPPY OLD FORGE WORLD MODELS BECAUSE PEOPLE GET SO CRY BABIED UP AND ANGRY AND CUT UP THEIR FINGERS WITH XACTO KNIVES TRYING TO FIX THEM. BLOOD FOR THE ME GOD!

AND FINALLY, IF YOU MORONS NEEDED A FLYING LORD OF WAR TRANSPORT, I WOULD HAVE MADE YOU ONE. DO YOU KNOW WHY THERE’S ONLY HELDRAKES IN KHORNE DAEMONKIN? VERY SPECIFIC REASON- YOU IDIOTS DON’T NEED TO FLY. EVEN FLYERS WITH ASSAULT RAMPS CAN ONLY GET THEIR DUDES INTO COMBAT ON TURN 3 AT EARLIEST.

TURN 3 IS HALF THE DAMN GAME! IF YOU’RE NOT IN COMBAT AT TURN 2, YOU’RE A FILTHY SLAANESH WORSHIPER. YOU GO OUT AND GET THOSE DAMN SKULLS FOR MY THRONE, AND YOU GET THEM YESTERDAY, NOT TOMORROW, NOT NEXT WEEK, AND NOT ON DAMN TURN 3.

MY CODEX CAN STILL COMPETE, SO QUIT YOUR WHINING ABOUT THUNDERHAWKS YOU CAN’T AFFORD ANYWAY, OR THAT GIANT WIZARD NERD THAT’S JOCKING MY BIG RED STYLE, OR HOW 40K 8E IS GOING TO BE AGE OF SIGMAR ALL OVER AGAIN.NEW RUMOR- NEW PLASTIC KHORNE BERSERKERS ARE COMING AND THEY LOOK AMAZING.

JUST KIDDING, THEY AREN’T. I KNOW YOU JERKS ONLY USE THE BIKERS AND THE FLESH HOUNDS ANYWAY.

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