Greetings imperialist pigdog gue’la! It is I, your favorite ambassador of Glorious Tau Empire, here again on the internets to be telling you of greatest progress of Greater Good.
Today I am the tellings you of about Rowboat Girlyman, and why he is giant bag of crap and also no threat to superior intellect and strategy of handsome, virile, and stalwart fire warrior.
First, I must telling you that not only is Giant blue space marine Santa Claus man not of good for Tau Empire, but also that he is not of good for silly backward Gue’vesa empire either. Rowboat Grillmaster is slept for ten thousand year after being poked in neck by sword of fictional creature of warp that does not exist to superior philosophy and intellect of mighty aethist Tau thinking.
Remember comrades, glory of tau empire is eternal, but glory of dumb human empire is short lived and also narcoleptic.
Not only was he asleep on the job, but when he finally stop hitting snooze button on giant man alarm clock, he am very angry at rest of Gue’vesa for up the fucking on his empire and doing bad without him! What a silly and irresponsible old man, and rude too! Great leaders of Tau would never be caught in asleep on job like lazy imperialist Rowing Boat Man.
Now you are of knowing to asking question, “But brave comrade Tau? How is Greater Good going to triumph over giant robot armor man from ten thousand year of sleep with sword that is on fire?”
Silly gue’la, I will tell you.
First, we are of doing what is done to all problems of Tau- We are of shooting the shit out of it.
If that is not of the working, we are of shooting the shit out of it again.
And if that is still not of the working, we are using superior Tau strategy- Shooting of the shit out of everything else.
What silly rock-and-paper scissor warmachine of inferior human strategy is not of understanding, is that sometimes, the answer is not of the shooting crap the biggest target, but of shooting crap the other targets!
That is why when the Glorious Empire of Tau, which has never been of losing a battle, goes to war against the man of Rowing Boats, we will use special time honored strategy of the always working to defeat capitalist dogs.
That is this- Throwing the expendable kroot and Gue’la troops into giant blue murder smurf man so that he is fighting them forever while honorable and brave fire caste warrior is of shooting the shit out of rest of smurf army and winning of the battle.
This way, nothing of value is of the lost, because kroot and human lives are of the second class citizen, and they are proud to die in service of Greater Good!
This is why you should be of joining Tau Empire. You can get many Ripping Tides Gundam model for make zero friends at hobbying store with markerlights and AP2 template, and then you can be of the dying sacrificing your life for throwing on giant flame sword of Robot Grillman.
Remember comrades, glory of tau empire is eternal, but glory of dumb human empire is short lived and also narcoleptic. Silly gue’vesa heroes are always falling asleep on job or disappearing into warp to be fighting Chaos that does not exist, leaving humanity alone in hour of greatest need.
Also I am being told by stalwart ally who would never betray Tau Empire to be of telling you this- Hydra Dominatus.
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About the Author: Jack Stover
