So, Guilliman is back and he needs a “catch me up” meeting to get up to speed on the current threats to the Imperium…. This should go well….
Just imagine Robby G looking over the assembled group with an impatient scowl as he is eager to get back out there and be what he sees himself as being: awesome.
“Alright you morons,” Guilliman said, “Tell me about the threats to the Imperium. Give me the fast version.”
“For starters, Magnus is back and he’s huge, and unlike you, he has wings and he’s psychic, so he can actually do stuff besides being a walking buff vendor.” Logan Grimnar replied.
“That’s Chaos. I know Chaos. Also, leave it to the Primarch of the Space Wolves to not finish what he starts. There really are no wolves on Fenris,” Guilliman said with an exasperated sigh.
“There’s also the orks-,”
“Know that one already. Next,” said Guilliman, growing impatient.
“Here’s one you don’t know- The Tyranids,” Marneus Calgar interjected.
“That sounds stupid. It’s like someone put together the word tyrant with another word that sounds like… I dunno? Lizards? Bugs? ……. It’s a race of evil lizard bugs, isn’t it?” Guilliman asked.
“Yes, and they completely wiped out the Ultramarines first company, and there’s more on the way,” Calgar replied.
“Wait, you mean to tell me the greatest company of the greatest chapter of Space Marines in the galaxy couldn’t handle an ant hill? Calgar, if I didn’t need you to run Ultramar so bad right now, I’d fire you for incompetence. Who’s next?” Guilliman asked, almost dreading the answer he’d receive.
“The Tau in the Eastern Fringes have recently evolved and-,” Belisarius Cawl added.
“What do you mean recently evolved?” Guilliman asked.
“They are a young race, even by the reckoning of humanity. Yet they are technologically powerful, and have managed to fend off all attempts to wipe them out so far, even though they are isolated in the galactic east and are incapable of warp travel. They even have plasma weapons that don’t overheat,” Cawl explained.
“Wait,” Guilliman said, “Allow me to take this in….. A tiny race of aliens in the tail end of the galaxy that can barely expand their empire one system at a time is so technologically superior that they can hold off every effort of humanity to erase them, despite being completely surrounded and isolated?”
“Yes,” Cawl nodded.
“And you said their plasma doesn’t overheat. Why haven’t you captured their technology and reverse engineered it yet?” Guilliman asked.
“Well, because that’s tech heresy and it’s against the holy will of the Omnissiah,” Cawl said.
“No you idiot, when their technology is better than yours, you steal it, figure it out, and make it yours. That’s not heresy, that’s called Science, and it works,” Guilliman replied, his frustration growing.
“I don’t understand what “Science” means,” Cawl replied.
“I know you don’t,” said Guilliman, shaking his head.
“Psykers are everywhere. Humanity is mutating at an unprecedented pace. The threat of the warp has never been greater,” Greyfax said.
“What are we doing about that?” Guilliman asked.
“Mostly just suppressing it. Witch hunts, persecution, ignorance,” Greyfax said.
“How has that been working out for the last ten thousand years?” Guilliman asked.
“It kind of hasn’t,” Greyfax admitted.
“Well….. Now I just feel like an idiot,” Guilliman said.
“Huh?” Greyfax asked.
“Magnus was right…..”
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About the Author: Jack Stover
