What your dice say about you may not be pretty, but one thing’s for sure, the dice never lie so take this as 100% fact.
Hey, Pimcron here this week with a new way to pass judgment on others! I come from a very condescending family, one that is always pushing the limit of what someone can be judged for. My mom will cut her eyes at you if you use the wrong fork at dinner. My brother will sneer if you own Apple products. My grandfather will talk behind your back if you poop in the kitchen sink. To be honest, it’s exhausting to be around them, but I am a product of my upbringing, so here we go!
CHAOS BAG!!!!
You hate rules, love chaos, and throw all of your different dice in your bag like a maniac. If I see someone who keeps their dice this way, I call the police. To be honest, 911 has blocked my number now, but I still do it out of spite. What kind of Chaotic Neutral mixes all of their dice in one bag?! You end up throwing dice and have to read all sorts of shapes, sizes, symbols, and colors. I once had a friend have an epileptic seizure when someone did that.
Couldn’t handle the explosion of color on the table.
Those roman numeral ones are a real jerk move.
I cringe so hard when someone does this. Like they have no respect for the natural order of things, laughing in the face of God. Not only is it harder to read for you, but it also gives your opponent a reason to think you’re being shady when some of your dice have the symbol on 6’s and others have them on 1’s. It gets even worse when the crazy dice owner mixes in the GW specialty dice. Then you’ve also got leaf symbols, teeth symbols, stars, and all sorts of things besides pips. Please. For the love of all that is holy, separate your dice into sets.
Single Sets
You are a good, honest citizen. You use one dice set at a time, even if the dice don’t match your army color. Maybe not the most organized, but at least you’re not some crazy Chaos Bag guy. Sheesh.
Matching Dice Sets
Ooooh. Now we’re talking. Did you just get goosebumps? My Living Metal just rippled. This is the player that has everything together. Like someone who matches their outfits, you planned this. You roll up to the table with your painted army and your matching dice and you tell your opponent two things. That you care about presentation and order, and that you probably don’t eat squirrels like the Chaos Bag player.
I applaud you for finding the correct dice set to compliment your army scheme, and I pray to the Dice Gods that they roll better for you. You’ve earned it, sport.
Themed Dice Sets
This is the wargaming professional. They buy dice sets with not only the matching color but also the army symbol on the 6’s. Man oh man. They roll in with their nice army transport, probably a display tray, and maybe an army logo tattoo. This player knows what they want, and what they need to look baller. It is an objective scientific fact these players practice 45% more mating than their Chaos Bag counterparts. Studies show that they are the apex player, regal and prestigious.
But all of this attention and spotlight has its drawbacks. Given the power these players wield socially, some anti-cool person legislature has been introduced. Being the humble and gifted person they are, these wonderful people often try to hide their status. This of course tricks other players into thinking they are just normal people. To combat this, in some cities it’s illegal for this class of player to not wear cool sunglasses when playing. In other cities, it is a citation if the player’s collar is not popped up. Look, I don’t make the rules.
GW Themed Dice
You might be entering this paragraph thinking that this type of player is best. You’d be wrong, and given this false assumption, you obviously are not a Themed Dice Set Guy. These players are the try-hards of the dice realm. They spend a ton of money on these horrible themed dice from GW only to struggle to read their symbols. Games Workshop has been pushing the limits of human comprehension with some of their dice sets. Symbols that defy physics, newly invented shapes, and colors outside of the visible spectrum.
You have to give them credit for trying, but I’m here to tell ya: Themed Dice People are born, NOT made. You either have it or you don’t. No amount of mind-altering GW dice schemes will ever elevate you to that level. It’s painfully obvious to the rest of us that you’re emulating your wargaming heroes.
So are you a dice monster, or a dice savior?
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